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Downloaded from
YTS.MX
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Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX
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[rock music intro]
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[sounds of football
being kicked around]
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[thunder clap]
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[background conversation]
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[girls giggle in background]
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[Mark] if I'm being honest, even now I
come across like a lobotomized hamster
9
00:00:43,877 --> 00:00:46,171
when it comes
to approaching women
10
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and at the age of 12 having just
blossomed into an idiot, I knew even less.
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-What are you doing?
-Uh hi, Connie. I wrote this for you.
12
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Every day you're on my mind,
I love the way you laugh.
13
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I promise to always
treat you kind,
14
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like you're my better half.
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I'll keep you close to my heart
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you will always be
and hope we're never apart,
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forever you and me.
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What do you think?
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[rock music]
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[laughter]
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Ugh!
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[boys laugh]
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[religious choral singing]
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[priest] People who walk in
darkness, will see a great light. Amen.
25
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The Lord is my shepherd,
I shall not want.
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He maketh me to lie down
in green pastures.
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Jesus said to them : "I am the
bread of life, whoever comes to me
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will never be hungry, and whoever
believes in me will never be thirsty."
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Blah, blah, blah.
30
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[Mark] That kid that was
beating on me all those years ago,
31
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this is his funeral.
32
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His epitaph would have read
33
00:02:05,834 --> 00:02:10,964
Here lies Tommy. He was
an asshole, calm as a bitch,
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00:02:11,173 --> 00:02:14,176
but my anonymous
suggestion was ignored.
35
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Anyway, ashes to ashes,
dust to dust,
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et cetera, et cetera.
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Mazel tov, amen.
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Obviously he never said that
because none of this is true.
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Did you enjoy that? Yeah?
40
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-This is my girlfriend, Daniela.
-[Daniella] Hi.
41
00:02:37,658 --> 00:02:38,825
[Kendra] Nice to meet
you, Daniela.
42
00:02:39,034 --> 00:02:40,160
Have a nice time
I'll be back in a minute.
43
00:02:40,327 --> 00:02:41,119
[Daniella] Sure.
44
00:02:45,374 --> 00:02:46,917
Hello, granddad.
45
00:02:47,125 --> 00:02:47,959
Johnny.
46
00:02:52,506 --> 00:02:54,007
Surprised to see you here.
47
00:02:54,216 --> 00:02:55,634
-Well, I couldn't believe he was dead.
-Hmm.
48
00:02:55,842 --> 00:02:56,718
I had to make sure.
49
00:02:56,885 --> 00:02:58,845
-Hi.
-Tim.
50
00:02:59,054 --> 00:03:00,430
-Daniela, nice to meet you.
-How you doing there, how you doing.
51
00:03:00,639 --> 00:03:02,849
-How have you been, Johnny?
-Yeah,
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damn good, mate. Absolutely
fucking, spot on, actually.
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00:03:06,311 --> 00:03:07,938
Working as a legal consultant
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tearing the ass out of my
gorgeous girlfriend over there,
55
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life couldn't be
fucking sweeter.
56
00:03:13,068 --> 00:03:16,947
-Did you come with anyone?
-Yes, do you see that chinless twat over there?
57
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-Who's the oaf?
-That's my flatmate.
58
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You brought your
flatmate to a funeral?
59
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To be honest, he just kind of
goes wherever there's free food.
60
00:03:26,623 --> 00:03:27,708
Why don't you go
and talk to her?
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00:03:30,085 --> 00:03:31,461
Of course,
she won't remember you.
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Ah, having said that I only
recognized you when you started crying.
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00:03:35,882 --> 00:03:37,968
Oh, I didn't, I didn't--
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I've got some vouchers
from my nan,
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that's it.
I mean, not enough to go.
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-[Mark] Tim. Tim!
-But you have credit cards.
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-One second.
-Someone I want you to meet.
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Keep saving.
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Hello, Tim.
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00:03:49,396 --> 00:03:52,232
How are you doing.
So, here's the skinny.
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So, the self-obsessed
duck face over there,
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was the soon
to be widow fat bloke.
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Apparently,
he was fucking loaded.
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Good looking girl over there,
she's engaged to the Ken Doll,
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00:04:03,452 --> 00:04:05,537
and the hotty, right,
she's an escort.
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00:04:05,746 --> 00:04:07,664
-She's here with some chinless prat, right.
-No.
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00:04:07,873 --> 00:04:08,790
-Yes.
-I just can't work out which one.
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00:04:08,999 --> 00:04:09,833
-Tim.
-No, no, no.
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Thank you.
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00:04:11,168 --> 00:04:12,919
Ah, so girlfriend, eh?
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00:04:13,128 --> 00:04:14,337
I didn't want to come standing.
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Oh, so you thought
you'd come with a hooker
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to avoid embarrassment.
84
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She's an escort,
there's a difference.
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00:04:18,633 --> 00:04:21,136
Okay, I'm going to leave you two
to get better acquainted.
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[woman] That was
a lovely service, Father.
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00:04:27,434 --> 00:04:29,102
Breaks my heart in two
having lost him,
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00:04:29,311 --> 00:04:32,230
but at least I know he's
at peace up there in heaven.
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00:04:32,439 --> 00:04:35,650
Oh sure, he's probably skipping
along with Father Christmas
90
00:04:35,859 --> 00:04:37,861
and the Easter Bunny right now.
91
00:04:38,069 --> 00:04:40,030
Connie, hi.
92
00:04:40,238 --> 00:04:42,157
I just heard that you
and uh, Tommy were together
93
00:04:42,365 --> 00:04:44,743
I just wanted to, you know,
offer my condolences.
94
00:04:44,951 --> 00:04:45,911
Thanks.
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00:04:46,119 --> 00:04:48,705
Such a pointless,
senseless waste.
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00:04:48,914 --> 00:04:50,207
Tommy dying?
97
00:04:50,373 --> 00:04:51,583
Yah, that too.
98
00:04:51,792 --> 00:04:53,376
Um, took me by surprise,
to be honest,
99
00:04:53,585 --> 00:04:55,003
didn't realize
that he was your type.
100
00:04:55,212 --> 00:04:58,256
Right,
[chuckles] and who are you?
101
00:05:00,258 --> 00:05:04,221
Mark, we went to school
together for eight years.
102
00:05:04,429 --> 00:05:05,847
I don't remember
Tommy mentioning you,
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00:05:06,056 --> 00:05:08,391
but thank you
so much for coming.
104
00:05:08,600 --> 00:05:10,602
Hey, if you, uh,
if you ever want to catch up,
105
00:05:10,811 --> 00:05:12,229
if you need a shoulder
to cry on.
106
00:05:12,437 --> 00:05:13,772
You know, I'm, I'm always here
if you need me.
107
00:05:13,980 --> 00:05:15,649
Sorry, Martin,
I don't know who you are...
108
00:05:15,857 --> 00:05:17,108
I'm Mark.
109
00:05:17,317 --> 00:05:18,443
...but are you seriously
making moves on me
110
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at my boyfriend's funeral?
111
00:05:20,737 --> 00:05:23,406
That's not what I was--
I was just saying that if you--
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Uh, I'm going to leave.
He-- Here's my card.
113
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I'm Mark, Mark Walwyn.
114
00:05:29,246 --> 00:05:31,331
-Um, just give me a call
anytime you need a-- -No.
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00:05:31,540 --> 00:05:34,918
I'm gonna-- It's not
a proposition, I'm-- Tim!
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00:05:36,962 --> 00:05:38,171
Nice to meet you, chinless.
117
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[music]
118
00:05:40,257 --> 00:05:41,716
Hmph...
119
00:05:45,804 --> 00:05:47,180
My deepest condolences.
120
00:05:48,557 --> 00:05:51,101
Just remember that
Tony's in a better place now.
121
00:05:51,309 --> 00:05:52,853
-Who is Tony?
-Whatever.
122
00:05:53,061 --> 00:05:54,271
[music]
123
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Fucking hell.
124
00:05:58,567 --> 00:06:00,819
Now, Mark, can I borrow £ 100,
125
00:06:01,027 --> 00:06:03,446
'cause that escort doesn't
take a fiver, I can tell you that.
126
00:06:03,655 --> 00:06:07,075
Tommy would be rolling in his
grave, if he knew Mark had turned up.
127
00:06:07,284 --> 00:06:09,995
-Mark who?
-The wanker you were just talking to.
128
00:06:10,203 --> 00:06:11,872
-Oh.
-Oh you remember,
129
00:06:12,080 --> 00:06:13,790
he was the one that sent you
that pathetic poem.
130
00:06:13,999 --> 00:06:16,293
I mean-- Tommy ended up beating
him up for the next six years.
131
00:06:16,501 --> 00:06:19,337
-Oh my god, that was him?
-Huh-huh, yeah.
132
00:06:19,546 --> 00:06:21,381
-Why was he here?
-Well, I don't know, Connie.
133
00:06:21,590 --> 00:06:22,465
What's that?
134
00:06:22,674 --> 00:06:23,800
His card.
135
00:06:25,468 --> 00:06:27,470
-You're kidding me.
-What?
136
00:06:29,055 --> 00:06:30,140
My client,
they're trying to buy this.
137
00:06:30,348 --> 00:06:32,767
It's a-- it's a startup company.
138
00:06:32,976 --> 00:06:36,062
-So?
-They're trying to buy it for 20 million!
139
00:06:37,772 --> 00:06:38,648
Really?
140
00:06:38,815 --> 00:06:40,942
[music]
141
00:06:45,488 --> 00:06:48,700
[theme music]
142
00:06:50,285 --> 00:06:52,412
[background chatter]
143
00:06:55,248 --> 00:06:56,708
[Mark] Thank you so much.
144
00:06:56,917 --> 00:07:00,170
-Thank you. Chin-chin.
-Cheers.
145
00:07:00,378 --> 00:07:01,212
Dead people.
146
00:07:01,421 --> 00:07:03,882
To funerals.
147
00:07:04,090 --> 00:07:05,008
Ahh.
148
00:07:05,216 --> 00:07:06,718
On a scale of 1 -10,
149
00:07:06,927 --> 00:07:08,803
how successful
was your little meeting earlier?
150
00:07:09,888 --> 00:07:12,641
About a three.
She didn't even remember me.
151
00:07:12,849 --> 00:07:15,143
Aw, well yeah,
you are very forgettable.
152
00:07:16,895 --> 00:07:20,357
How the hell does someone
like Mark make 20 million?
153
00:07:20,523 --> 00:07:24,027
-By being a boring sad fucking nerd.
-[sighs]
154
00:07:25,737 --> 00:07:29,074
He's gonna waste it
on computers and porn.
155
00:07:29,282 --> 00:07:30,617
Do something about it then.
156
00:07:30,825 --> 00:07:32,077
What's so great about her?
157
00:07:32,243 --> 00:07:34,037
It's hard to qualify really.
158
00:07:36,122 --> 00:07:40,251
She just-- She was always so interesting,
you know, just always made me laugh.
159
00:07:41,920 --> 00:07:44,047
Well, it's not exactly
the greatest stretch
160
00:07:44,255 --> 00:07:46,675
of the imagination to presume
in certain circumstances,
161
00:07:46,883 --> 00:07:48,927
a gold-digger such as yourself
162
00:07:49,135 --> 00:07:52,305
could relieve a moron,
such as Mark,
163
00:07:53,223 --> 00:07:54,224
of half his money.
164
00:07:55,767 --> 00:07:56,726
-You mean--
-Uhuh...
165
00:07:57,852 --> 00:07:59,521
Marry him.
166
00:07:59,729 --> 00:08:02,065
Ugh, I don't want to marry
someone I'm not in love with.
167
00:08:02,232 --> 00:08:04,484
Of course, of course, of course. I
know you're not in love with him,
168
00:08:05,443 --> 00:08:08,029
but let's say hypothetically
169
00:08:08,238 --> 00:08:10,782
you could love 10 million,
couldn't you? [kissing]
170
00:08:12,075 --> 00:08:13,576
Hypothetically...
171
00:08:14,536 --> 00:08:15,912
I could love 10 million.
172
00:08:16,121 --> 00:08:19,624
Exactly, that's what I thought.
Mm.
173
00:08:19,833 --> 00:08:20,542
Johnny?
174
00:08:20,750 --> 00:08:22,210
Yes, sugar-tits.
175
00:08:24,295 --> 00:08:25,922
Get your hands off me.
176
00:08:26,131 --> 00:08:26,923
Right.
177
00:08:28,216 --> 00:08:30,802
Well, it could be worse, yeah?
178
00:08:31,011 --> 00:08:33,930
You could be like him,
with a gold-digger on your arm.
179
00:08:34,139 --> 00:08:36,641
Sorry.
He doesn't look too unhappy.
180
00:08:36,850 --> 00:08:39,185
Hey, mate, are you happy?
181
00:08:39,394 --> 00:08:40,186
Yes.
182
00:08:42,147 --> 00:08:44,315
Ignorance Is bliss, innit?
183
00:08:44,524 --> 00:08:48,528
I wouldn't want to be with someone who's
only with me for my money, would you?
184
00:08:48,737 --> 00:08:50,822
No, I wouldn't want
to be alone either.
185
00:08:51,031 --> 00:08:52,449
That would justify it?
186
00:08:52,657 --> 00:08:54,784
If he's happy,
why does he have to justify it?
187
00:08:59,581 --> 00:09:00,957
Ah, Mate.
188
00:09:02,834 --> 00:09:04,377
Fuck off, you deserve that.
189
00:09:04,586 --> 00:09:06,963
Go on, the door's that way.
Off you go.
190
00:09:15,638 --> 00:09:19,976
[music]
191
00:09:27,317 --> 00:09:28,568
Hi, is that Mark?
192
00:09:28,777 --> 00:09:30,320
[Mark]
Yes, hi.
193
00:09:35,200 --> 00:09:39,287
Would you be,
free to meet up at all?
194
00:09:39,496 --> 00:09:41,414
Yeah, I'll meet up.
That sounds great.
195
00:09:42,332 --> 00:09:44,167
Good, thank you.
196
00:09:44,375 --> 00:09:46,211
They'll see you now,
just go to the fourth floor.
197
00:09:46,419 --> 00:09:47,170
Thank you.
198
00:09:47,337 --> 00:09:49,589
[upbeat music]
199
00:09:55,386 --> 00:09:58,056
Amazing! Okay, great,
then I'll see you on Tuesday.
200
00:09:58,264 --> 00:10:00,558
[music]
201
00:10:19,994 --> 00:10:20,954
[knocking on the window]
202
00:10:22,497 --> 00:10:23,540
Fuck off.
203
00:10:27,001 --> 00:10:29,963
Because time dilation right close to
a black hole is a maximum of 50%.
204
00:10:30,171 --> 00:10:32,549
So, that doesn't make any sense
that they would be there for 30 years,
205
00:10:32,757 --> 00:10:34,008
whilst they're
down there 40 minutes.
206
00:10:34,217 --> 00:10:37,262
-Are you okay?
-Yeah, why?
207
00:10:37,428 --> 00:10:41,015
-Your eye's twitching a lot.
-Is it?
208
00:10:41,975 --> 00:10:43,184
You're not having a stroke,
are you? [sarcastic chuckle]
209
00:10:43,393 --> 00:10:45,061
No, it's probably just pink eye.
210
00:10:46,020 --> 00:10:49,149
I don't have pink eye.
I don't have any STDs, I don't--
211
00:10:51,192 --> 00:10:52,110
Hi.
212
00:10:52,318 --> 00:10:54,237
Yes, great, thank you.
213
00:10:54,445 --> 00:10:56,531
That, I'm just surprised
that you called me.
214
00:10:56,739 --> 00:10:58,658
Really, why?
215
00:10:58,867 --> 00:11:00,451
Because I could hear myself
216
00:11:00,660 --> 00:11:04,664
and I sound stupid
and I'm clearly floundering.
217
00:11:04,873 --> 00:11:07,709
Just, just, just relax,
just be yourself.
218
00:11:09,294 --> 00:11:10,628
Thank you, thank you so much.
219
00:11:14,048 --> 00:11:15,008
Thanks.
220
00:11:21,723 --> 00:11:22,515
Uh.
221
00:11:22,724 --> 00:11:23,600
Yeah, it's lovely.
222
00:11:23,808 --> 00:11:25,852
Good, glad you approve.
223
00:11:26,060 --> 00:11:26,978
I do.
224
00:11:29,981 --> 00:11:31,024
Thank you.
225
00:11:31,232 --> 00:11:32,442
Thank you so much.
226
00:11:32,650 --> 00:11:35,612
See the point is that uh,
227
00:11:35,778 --> 00:11:38,156
well, we haven't spoken
for 12 years,
228
00:11:38,364 --> 00:11:42,452
and, um, I mean there must be
a reason why
229
00:11:42,660 --> 00:11:45,955
because y--, y--,
you know I liked you.
230
00:11:46,164 --> 00:11:47,415
Mark, you're a nice guy.
231
00:11:47,624 --> 00:11:50,585
Oh no, not-- don't call me
a nice guy.
232
00:11:50,752 --> 00:11:52,921
Not the whole,
it's not you, it's me thing.
233
00:11:53,129 --> 00:11:55,715
No, it's not me, it is you.
234
00:11:56,633 --> 00:11:57,467
What?
235
00:11:57,675 --> 00:12:00,970
Mark, I really liked you.
236
00:12:01,179 --> 00:12:05,350
I never wanted you to be the kind of guy
that let life slip through their fingers.
237
00:12:06,434 --> 00:12:09,145
If Tommy's passing taught me
anything, it's that
238
00:12:09,354 --> 00:12:10,980
life's short.
239
00:12:12,315 --> 00:12:13,816
If there's something you want,
240
00:12:16,611 --> 00:12:17,612
you've gotta take it.
241
00:12:21,699 --> 00:12:22,533
What are you doing?
242
00:12:23,534 --> 00:12:24,535
What do you think?
243
00:12:24,744 --> 00:12:27,413
I mean, if I'm misreading things
244
00:12:27,580 --> 00:12:29,082
that's very embarrassing for me.
245
00:12:29,249 --> 00:12:30,792
I think that ship's sailed.
246
00:12:33,294 --> 00:12:34,420
Has it?
247
00:12:37,799 --> 00:12:38,883
Apéritif--
248
00:12:39,092 --> 00:12:40,134
-Just kiss me, Mark.
-Yes!
249
00:12:40,343 --> 00:12:41,427
-[glass clangs]
-[Mark] Oh.
250
00:12:45,890 --> 00:12:48,685
I am so sorry. I'm so sorry.
251
00:12:50,520 --> 00:12:52,563
Excuse me, thank you. Hey.
252
00:13:03,992 --> 00:13:04,993
Thank you, thank you so much.
253
00:13:15,586 --> 00:13:18,339
Just a little drop, ahh.
254
00:13:19,257 --> 00:13:20,550
[sniffs] You're fine.
255
00:13:21,968 --> 00:13:25,722
So the reason I--
I did the second glass of wine,
256
00:13:25,888 --> 00:13:28,141
uh, was because,
257
00:13:28,349 --> 00:13:33,271
didn't want it to stain,
hence the white wine.
258
00:13:33,479 --> 00:13:36,399
Uh, I realize
you're not a carpet.
259
00:13:37,692 --> 00:13:38,526
No.
260
00:13:39,652 --> 00:13:40,653
So--
261
00:13:42,030 --> 00:13:43,698
I fucked that one up, didn't I?
262
00:13:47,160 --> 00:13:48,828
At least it wasn't
flaming Sambucas!
263
00:13:50,413 --> 00:13:51,289
Mark.
264
00:13:53,875 --> 00:13:55,293
[uplifting romantic music]
265
00:14:09,474 --> 00:14:10,308
Yes.
266
00:14:13,895 --> 00:14:15,688
[romantic uplifting song]
267
00:15:44,527 --> 00:15:49,240
Connie, you once told me that if
there's something in life that you want,
268
00:15:49,407 --> 00:15:52,452
you have to take it, and I'm uh,
269
00:15:54,537 --> 00:15:56,497
uh... I'm crazy about you
270
00:15:56,706 --> 00:15:59,709
and uh, tonight I'm
hoping that one little word--
271
00:15:59,917 --> 00:16:01,461
[snaps the box closed] Yes.
272
00:16:02,795 --> 00:16:04,464
But I uh, I wrote this whole uh,
273
00:16:04,672 --> 00:16:05,756
this um--
274
00:16:08,009 --> 00:16:11,095
Ugh, Mark, you're so sweet.
Come here.
275
00:16:14,140 --> 00:16:14,974
Thank you.
276
00:16:26,444 --> 00:16:27,820
That's how I always pictured it.
277
00:16:28,029 --> 00:16:29,030
Me too.
278
00:16:31,073 --> 00:16:35,328
[Mark] Tim, we've been friends
now for-- I don't know.
279
00:16:35,536 --> 00:16:37,955
But in that time, we've always
been there for each other, haven't we?
280
00:16:38,164 --> 00:16:41,209
Friends is a very strong word,
but, yes, flatmates,
281
00:16:41,417 --> 00:16:43,503
we've always been very
supportive of each other.
282
00:16:43,711 --> 00:16:45,171
So, on my special day,
283
00:16:45,379 --> 00:16:47,548
when I have the love of my life
on one side,
284
00:16:48,508 --> 00:16:53,763
nothing would make me prouder than to
have my best um, flatmate on the other.
285
00:16:53,971 --> 00:16:55,681
I suppose it makes sense.
286
00:16:55,890 --> 00:16:58,726
So, the question
I want to ask you, Timmy...
287
00:17:00,436 --> 00:17:04,148
Tim, is-- will you do me
the honor of being my best man?
288
00:17:04,357 --> 00:17:06,692
Yeah, all right,
just give me my hand back.
289
00:17:06,901 --> 00:17:08,152
Give me a hug, you big tit.
290
00:17:09,570 --> 00:17:10,738
Aw, that was easy.
291
00:17:10,947 --> 00:17:13,074
Well, in my capacity as best man
292
00:17:13,282 --> 00:17:17,036
I'm going to ask you
to reconsider marrying her.
293
00:17:17,245 --> 00:17:19,622
-What?
-Now--
294
00:17:19,830 --> 00:17:23,042
I'd like to draw your attention to
some information I've had compiled.
295
00:17:23,251 --> 00:17:24,418
[chuckles] What is this?
296
00:17:26,837 --> 00:17:28,172
She's a bit of a shit.
297
00:17:28,381 --> 00:17:30,550
You can't call her
a bit of a shit, Tim.
298
00:17:30,758 --> 00:17:31,676
She's my fiancé.
299
00:17:31,884 --> 00:17:33,636
Well, I'm duty bound
300
00:17:33,844 --> 00:17:36,222
to make you fully aware that
you're about to marry a shit.
301
00:17:36,430 --> 00:17:39,058
She's not a shit, she's awesome.
302
00:17:39,267 --> 00:17:43,396
Is she though? I mean, look at the
evidence it's there in black and white.
303
00:17:43,604 --> 00:17:45,898
Look, you just don't know her
the way I do,
304
00:17:46,107 --> 00:17:47,733
okay, she's wonderful.
305
00:17:47,900 --> 00:17:51,153
She's made me happier
than I've ever been, okay?
306
00:17:51,362 --> 00:17:54,282
Been very inconvenient for me,
booted out of the flat.
307
00:17:54,448 --> 00:17:55,908
Well, I was being
cruel to be kind.
308
00:17:56,117 --> 00:17:57,743
You should
spread your wings a little
309
00:17:57,910 --> 00:17:59,537
you couldn't sleep on my couch
for the rest of your life.
310
00:17:59,745 --> 00:18:02,206
Cruel to be kind. You're
just being a twat to be selfish.
311
00:18:02,415 --> 00:18:04,959
The only reason you wanted me
out of the flat,
312
00:18:05,167 --> 00:18:09,171
was so you could strut around
naked, bails flapping around,
313
00:18:09,380 --> 00:18:11,215
and have sex in the lounge.
314
00:18:11,424 --> 00:18:13,050
Yes, I was, I did, and I have.
315
00:18:14,135 --> 00:18:15,094
What was it like?
316
00:18:15,303 --> 00:18:16,554
Great.
317
00:18:16,762 --> 00:18:17,763
Lucky.
318
00:18:17,972 --> 00:18:19,432
Yeah.
319
00:18:19,599 --> 00:18:20,600
What do you think, Ducky?
320
00:18:20,808 --> 00:18:22,893
Ducky, is that a chicken leg?
321
00:18:23,102 --> 00:18:28,566
Chicken leg. Chicken leg. It's
a chicken leg, it's a chicken leg.
322
00:18:28,774 --> 00:18:29,900
[Ducky growls]
323
00:18:30,109 --> 00:18:31,652
-Chicken leg.
-Aw, Ha, oh god.
324
00:18:31,861 --> 00:18:32,653
What a brute.
325
00:18:32,820 --> 00:18:34,447
What a brute!
326
00:18:34,614 --> 00:18:36,907
[music]
327
00:18:38,868 --> 00:18:40,244
Here you go.
328
00:18:40,453 --> 00:18:41,412
Thanks.
329
00:18:47,918 --> 00:18:49,086
That's expensive wine.
330
00:18:49,295 --> 00:18:50,171
Thank you.
331
00:18:50,379 --> 00:18:51,714
So, I was thinking,
332
00:18:51,922 --> 00:18:53,591
what if we got married
in six weeks?
333
00:18:54,925 --> 00:18:56,302
-Sure.
-Really?
334
00:18:56,510 --> 00:18:58,179
Get married before, if you want.
335
00:18:58,387 --> 00:19:00,264
Whatever, if you can
find a church that's free.
336
00:19:00,473 --> 00:19:01,223
Okay.
337
00:19:03,142 --> 00:19:04,977
You put any thought into who
you want to be your maid of honor?
338
00:19:05,186 --> 00:19:06,604
Yes, my sister.
339
00:19:06,812 --> 00:19:09,023
Oh, [inhales]
could she go on holy ground?
340
00:19:10,316 --> 00:19:12,443
Nothing funny about
a pigmentation problem, Mark.
341
00:19:12,652 --> 00:19:13,569
She's not a vampire!
342
00:19:13,778 --> 00:19:15,279
Okay. [chuckles]
343
00:19:15,488 --> 00:19:18,199
I just thought it'd be Kendra,
I like her, she's great.
344
00:19:18,407 --> 00:19:20,159
Well, maybe
you should marry her instead.
345
00:19:20,368 --> 00:19:21,577
No, I just thought
she'd be your first--
346
00:19:21,786 --> 00:19:23,079
Oh, Jesus Christ, Mark!
347
00:19:23,287 --> 00:19:24,705
Will you stop
talking about the wedding.
348
00:19:24,914 --> 00:19:25,665
Shut up!
349
00:19:25,873 --> 00:19:28,125
[soft music]
350
00:19:38,260 --> 00:19:40,179
Oh, uh, hi.
351
00:19:40,388 --> 00:19:41,639
I'm sorry, baby.
352
00:19:45,309 --> 00:19:46,686
Mm.
353
00:19:46,894 --> 00:19:50,731
I'm just adjusting.
It's all very new for me.
354
00:19:50,940 --> 00:19:52,274
Don't be mad at me.
355
00:19:52,483 --> 00:19:54,860
Well I'm-- you know,
I'm not entirely sure
356
00:19:55,069 --> 00:19:57,279
you should be... unpunished.
357
00:19:58,239 --> 00:20:01,033
I'm ready for anything.
358
00:20:02,034 --> 00:20:04,078
Whatever you want to give me.
359
00:20:04,286 --> 00:20:04,912
Okay.
360
00:20:05,121 --> 00:20:05,871
[phone ringing]
361
00:20:06,080 --> 00:20:08,040
No, no don't--
362
00:20:08,249 --> 00:20:11,544
Hello, oh hi!
No, I hadn't heard about that.
363
00:20:11,752 --> 00:20:12,545
Tell me, tell me!
364
00:20:14,380 --> 00:20:15,965
[exhales] Blue balls.
365
00:20:17,758 --> 00:20:18,843
Don't look at me!
366
00:20:20,344 --> 00:20:21,721
[pigeon cooing]
367
00:20:27,309 --> 00:20:28,227
[message tone]
368
00:20:28,436 --> 00:20:32,231
[chilled electro music]
369
00:20:54,003 --> 00:20:56,130
[tapping on phone sound]
370
00:20:56,297 --> 00:20:57,298
[phone vibrates]
371
00:21:19,528 --> 00:21:22,364
[guitar power chord
joins in the music]
372
00:21:24,366 --> 00:21:25,910
-[message ping]
-[Johnny] Sugar tits,
373
00:21:26,118 --> 00:21:28,579
not too much longer
then the money is ours.
374
00:21:28,788 --> 00:21:30,915
Just think of me
if you have to shag him
375
00:21:31,123 --> 00:21:34,001
[Connie] This is driving me
crazy pretending to be in love.
376
00:21:34,210 --> 00:21:35,711
How stupid does he think I am?
377
00:21:35,920 --> 00:21:37,838
Assuming I don't know anything
about his deal?
378
00:21:38,005 --> 00:21:39,799
-[Message ping Johnny] -Just
want Mark to sign the papers.
379
00:21:40,007 --> 00:21:41,967
It's a done deal, I reckon.
380
00:21:42,176 --> 00:21:45,262
Once you marry, you'll be able
to get at least half, if not more.
381
00:21:45,471 --> 00:21:49,058
Especially if you can prove that
he's been a lousy husband, and shag.
382
00:21:49,266 --> 00:21:52,353
Laughing, smiley face,
aubergine, water spray.
383
00:21:52,561 --> 00:21:54,230
[dramatic classical music]
384
00:22:44,655 --> 00:22:45,865
That's gross.
385
00:22:46,073 --> 00:22:48,242
[dramatic classical music]
386
00:24:20,209 --> 00:24:21,752
-Hey.
-Hey.
387
00:24:21,961 --> 00:24:23,253
Put your glad rags on,
we're going out for dinner.
388
00:24:23,462 --> 00:24:24,797
Ugh, you're always doing this.
389
00:24:24,964 --> 00:24:27,091
I'm tired, in my pajamas,
I'm not going out.
390
00:24:27,299 --> 00:24:30,135
Okay, I just got some good news
I wanted us to celebrate.
391
00:24:30,344 --> 00:24:33,555
What, someone's upgraded you to
the idiot in the village?
392
00:24:33,764 --> 00:24:36,100
-What?
-Nothing, sweetheart. What's your news?
393
00:24:36,308 --> 00:24:39,645
Well, looks like
I've come into some money.
394
00:24:39,853 --> 00:24:40,688
What?
395
00:24:42,398 --> 00:24:44,191
Amazing, how much?
396
00:24:44,400 --> 00:24:45,317
20.
397
00:24:45,526 --> 00:24:49,029
20 million, fuck! [chuckles]
398
00:24:49,238 --> 00:24:50,072
No! [chuckles]
399
00:24:52,282 --> 00:24:53,283
20 grand!
400
00:24:54,660 --> 00:24:56,662
My uncle died. It's brilliant.
401
00:24:56,870 --> 00:24:58,414
Oh, congrats.
402
00:24:58,622 --> 00:25:01,083
Yeah. 20 million !
[sarcastic chuckle]
403
00:25:01,291 --> 00:25:02,626
No, no, ha!
404
00:25:02,835 --> 00:25:04,294
[sarcastic chuckle]
What a random number.
405
00:25:04,503 --> 00:25:07,131
I don't know. I don-- uh?
406
00:25:07,339 --> 00:25:09,425
That's so strange
that you would just pick
407
00:25:09,633 --> 00:25:12,011
20 million out of anywhere.
408
00:25:12,219 --> 00:25:14,179
What? I don't know,
I was going to--
409
00:25:14,388 --> 00:25:16,724
And then you said and um,
I got carried away and--
410
00:25:16,932 --> 00:25:18,475
-But that's still so weird.
-So weird.
411
00:25:18,684 --> 00:25:20,728
It just goes
straight from err to that.
412
00:25:20,936 --> 00:25:22,312
-[Mark sarcastically chuckles]
-Honey--
413
00:25:22,521 --> 00:25:24,606
Listen, what I've decided is,
414
00:25:24,815 --> 00:25:26,692
I'm going to spend it all
on the wedding.
415
00:25:26,900 --> 00:25:28,027
Because you, my love,
416
00:25:29,028 --> 00:25:30,320
you deserve the best.
417
00:25:31,572 --> 00:25:32,656
So sweet.
418
00:25:34,658 --> 00:25:38,829
-20 million! [chuckles] Idiot.
-[chuckles]
419
00:25:48,380 --> 00:25:51,091
Did you reserve the table?
420
00:25:51,300 --> 00:25:52,551
No, but I think
we'll be all right.
421
00:25:55,804 --> 00:25:58,724
Is there a good reason
we didn't get a cab?
422
00:26:00,642 --> 00:26:03,020
Well, yeah, I thought you'd
appreciate the exercise.
423
00:26:05,397 --> 00:26:06,899
Those jeans were a bit tight.
424
00:26:10,152 --> 00:26:11,570
Yeah, I hope you'll like it.
425
00:26:11,779 --> 00:26:13,363
Uh, it's one of my favorite
places in town.
426
00:26:13,572 --> 00:26:15,282
I'm sure, but--
427
00:26:15,491 --> 00:26:16,700
You all right?
428
00:26:16,909 --> 00:26:18,160
Can I get two large Donnas,
429
00:26:18,327 --> 00:26:19,912
extra chili,
extra garlic, please?
430
00:26:20,829 --> 00:26:23,540
And uh, do you want--
do you want a coke?
431
00:26:23,749 --> 00:26:25,417
Hey, two cokes.
432
00:26:25,626 --> 00:26:26,919
You're kidding?
433
00:26:27,127 --> 00:26:27,920
There you go.
434
00:26:28,962 --> 00:26:30,714
That'll be £9.50.
435
00:26:30,923 --> 00:26:32,007
Okay, hold on.
436
00:26:32,966 --> 00:26:34,968
Bollocks,
I've left my wallet at home.
437
00:26:35,177 --> 00:26:36,512
Can you lend me a tenner?
438
00:26:36,678 --> 00:26:37,763
Seriously?
439
00:26:39,306 --> 00:26:41,058
Don't embarrass me
in front of kebab man.
440
00:26:43,977 --> 00:26:45,187
She's got it, it's all right.
441
00:26:48,440 --> 00:26:51,902
Oh, 20! Keep the change.
442
00:26:54,404 --> 00:26:55,823
Ah, you're right,
I should have booked.
443
00:26:56,031 --> 00:26:57,282
Look, it's full up.
444
00:27:00,577 --> 00:27:02,496
This is a really good
kebab shop.
445
00:27:02,704 --> 00:27:03,997
Do you seriously expect me
to sit here,
446
00:27:04,206 --> 00:27:06,500
and eat this on the street
like a cockroach?
447
00:27:06,667 --> 00:27:08,293
A cockroach?
That's a bit much, isn't it?
448
00:27:08,502 --> 00:27:10,170
Look at this. Thank you.
449
00:27:10,379 --> 00:27:14,299
I have been
looking forward to this all day.
450
00:27:14,508 --> 00:27:15,801
Extra garlicky.
451
00:27:19,763 --> 00:27:20,889
Oh!
452
00:27:22,850 --> 00:27:23,934
Uh, it's all right.
453
00:27:26,353 --> 00:27:27,396
What's wrong,
you don't like kebabs?
454
00:27:27,604 --> 00:27:29,565
Wearing them, no!
455
00:27:29,773 --> 00:27:33,861
Eating them-- Yes!
456
00:27:34,069 --> 00:27:36,363
We should do this again
sometime. This is fun.
457
00:27:36,572 --> 00:27:39,658
-I would like to go home.
-Yeah, okay.
458
00:27:39,867 --> 00:27:41,869
Oh, but I haven't thanked you
for this, come here.
459
00:27:45,956 --> 00:27:46,790
Such a lucky man.
460
00:27:46,999 --> 00:27:49,001
I know. [chuckles]
461
00:27:53,255 --> 00:27:55,299
[Mark] Come on,
it's gonna get cold.
462
00:28:05,100 --> 00:28:06,602
Morning.
463
00:28:06,768 --> 00:28:07,686
Morning.
464
00:28:11,690 --> 00:28:12,941
[Mark] Ahh.
465
00:28:16,028 --> 00:28:19,031
[radio playing music]
466
00:28:25,954 --> 00:28:27,915
Morning, eat that. [laughs]
467
00:28:31,251 --> 00:28:32,836
We meant to be
doing something today?
468
00:28:33,045 --> 00:28:34,838
Uh, yeah,
getting my wedding dress.
469
00:28:35,047 --> 00:28:35,881
Uhuh!
470
00:28:36,089 --> 00:28:37,341
Aw, I don't want to do that,
471
00:28:37,549 --> 00:28:38,759
that doesn't sound like
any fun to me.
472
00:28:38,967 --> 00:28:40,510
Baby, it's not
about you having fun,
473
00:28:40,719 --> 00:28:43,931
it's about you being there
to support me.
474
00:28:44,139 --> 00:28:45,766
-Uhuh.
-And pay for the dress.
475
00:28:47,017 --> 00:28:51,188
Of course, sweetheart,
I have you covered.
476
00:28:52,898 --> 00:28:55,108
What's that? Half a shoe?
477
00:28:57,653 --> 00:28:59,071
[whispers]
Are trying to be funny again?
478
00:28:59,279 --> 00:29:00,072
Nope.
479
00:29:01,615 --> 00:29:03,575
Baby, please don't make me
regret saying yes.
480
00:29:03,784 --> 00:29:05,452
I don't do cheap.
481
00:29:05,661 --> 00:29:07,746
Well, if you're having second
thoughts about the wedding?
482
00:29:07,955 --> 00:29:09,248
Of course, not. [laughs]
483
00:29:09,456 --> 00:29:12,960
It's our special day
and as your princess
484
00:29:13,168 --> 00:29:15,879
I'm going to make sure
I look like one.
485
00:29:16,088 --> 00:29:18,674
So, that means
the cheapest dress
486
00:29:18,882 --> 00:29:20,050
probably isn't the nicest.
487
00:29:20,217 --> 00:29:22,803
Yes, but superstition.
488
00:29:23,011 --> 00:29:23,845
Super special.
489
00:29:24,054 --> 00:29:26,640
Super special, okay.
490
00:29:26,807 --> 00:29:27,641
Is that my coffee?
491
00:29:27,849 --> 00:29:29,142
Oh, do you want one?
492
00:29:34,356 --> 00:29:35,774
It's empty.
493
00:29:35,983 --> 00:29:39,569
Last one, sorry.
It was nice though.
494
00:29:43,156 --> 00:29:45,117
[Mark] Why don't you want
Kendra at the wedding?
495
00:29:45,325 --> 00:29:46,910
[Connie] We don't talk anymore.
496
00:29:47,119 --> 00:29:48,036
You fall out?
497
00:29:48,954 --> 00:29:50,622
Can we stop
talking about Kendra.
498
00:29:56,044 --> 00:29:56,962
What do you think?
499
00:29:58,213 --> 00:30:04,511
-Yeah. I like it. [laughs]
-[laughs] Yeah.
500
00:30:04,720 --> 00:30:06,430
Just... [laughs]
501
00:30:06,638 --> 00:30:11,518
It reminds me of that, but like
in a good way, obviously.
502
00:30:12,477 --> 00:30:13,770
I'll try another one on.
503
00:30:13,979 --> 00:30:15,981
You sure? I like it.
504
00:30:16,189 --> 00:30:16,982
Yeah.
505
00:30:18,150 --> 00:30:19,985
[phone ringing].
506
00:30:20,193 --> 00:30:22,362
Tim, oh thank god,
I'm so fucking bored.
507
00:30:23,405 --> 00:30:25,240
No, I'm not doing
anything important.
508
00:30:25,449 --> 00:30:27,576
[pop music playing]
509
00:30:43,050 --> 00:30:46,470
-Slutty.
-No!
510
00:30:46,678 --> 00:30:49,473
[pop song playing]
511
00:30:50,766 --> 00:30:52,934
[laughs]
512
00:31:05,322 --> 00:31:07,991
Do you approve of this one?
513
00:31:08,200 --> 00:31:09,868
I mean, yeah, they're all fine.
514
00:31:10,077 --> 00:31:11,995
You've had a shitty comment
for every dress I've tried on.
515
00:31:12,204 --> 00:31:14,373
I like this one,
so I'm just waiting
516
00:31:14,581 --> 00:31:16,708
for the possible fault
you're going to find with it.
517
00:31:17,751 --> 00:31:20,212
Look, if I have to find a fault,
518
00:31:20,379 --> 00:31:23,340
I mean, if you're going to
put a gun against my head,
519
00:31:23,548 --> 00:31:24,633
makes you look like a man.
520
00:31:24,841 --> 00:31:26,093
A man?
521
00:31:26,301 --> 00:31:29,388
No, sorry. Not a man,
like a drag queen,
522
00:31:29,596 --> 00:31:32,265
but like a really bang-able one.
523
00:31:32,474 --> 00:31:34,893
Well, feel free to find a dress
524
00:31:35,102 --> 00:31:36,978
that doesn't
make me look like RuPaul
525
00:31:37,187 --> 00:31:40,440
or a pregnant whale,
or a French prostitute.
526
00:31:40,649 --> 00:31:42,818
Because I would like
to find a dress
527
00:31:43,026 --> 00:31:44,403
that doesn't make you laugh
528
00:31:44,611 --> 00:31:46,571
or make me feel
like a circus act.
529
00:31:47,697 --> 00:31:49,032
I mean, there must be one, so--
530
00:31:49,241 --> 00:31:50,075
Which one?
531
00:31:51,743 --> 00:31:52,577
That one.
532
00:31:55,288 --> 00:31:56,748
[Mark] That one,
that one, that one.
533
00:31:57,707 --> 00:31:59,084
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
534
00:31:59,292 --> 00:32:00,710
Next, next, next, next--
535
00:32:00,919 --> 00:32:02,754
Ah, ah, ah, don't skip it.
536
00:32:02,963 --> 00:32:04,923
Ah, ah, one back.
537
00:32:06,216 --> 00:32:07,426
That's the bunny.
538
00:32:09,803 --> 00:32:10,929
Thi-- This one?
539
00:32:11,138 --> 00:32:12,597
Yes.
540
00:32:12,806 --> 00:32:16,435
Sir, this one's actually
a child's bridesmaids dress.
541
00:32:16,643 --> 00:32:17,978
It's a joke,
it's a bridesmaid's dress.
542
00:32:18,186 --> 00:32:19,187
Well, they'll let it out.
543
00:32:19,396 --> 00:32:21,314
It's green.
544
00:32:21,523 --> 00:32:23,275
Who wants to be
like all the other brides?
545
00:32:23,483 --> 00:32:24,776
You'll stand out.
546
00:32:24,985 --> 00:32:27,404
You'll be-- you'll be my
pea green princess.
547
00:32:27,612 --> 00:32:29,239
Well, you gonna
be my pea green groom?
548
00:32:29,448 --> 00:32:30,532
-No. [chuckles]
-No!
549
00:32:30,740 --> 00:32:31,992
I'm not stupid. [laughs]
550
00:32:33,618 --> 00:32:34,703
Go ahead, try it on.
551
00:32:45,547 --> 00:32:48,300
Oh yes, yes,
yes, yes, yes, that.
552
00:32:48,508 --> 00:32:53,346
No, it doesn't even fit me. It's
a children's dress, for children.
553
00:32:53,555 --> 00:32:54,973
Here standeth before me
554
00:32:55,182 --> 00:32:58,101
an angel in green. An angel.
555
00:32:59,019 --> 00:33:00,061
[sighs]
556
00:33:09,237 --> 00:33:11,615
Oh my god, it's beautiful.
557
00:33:11,823 --> 00:33:13,742
It's so green, I love it.
558
00:33:13,950 --> 00:33:15,160
That's the dress. That's it.
559
00:33:15,368 --> 00:33:16,995
I want to marry you
in that dress.
560
00:33:17,162 --> 00:33:19,498
Ladies, thank you very much.
We'll wrap it up, we'll take it.
561
00:33:25,295 --> 00:33:26,713
There you go, gentlemen.
562
00:33:31,218 --> 00:33:33,261
This is so much harder
than I thought it would be.
563
00:33:33,470 --> 00:33:34,387
What, being a dick?
564
00:33:34,596 --> 00:33:37,057
Hmm, it's harder than you think.
565
00:33:37,265 --> 00:33:38,934
Well, why don't you
just call it quits?
566
00:33:39,142 --> 00:33:41,686
My rent's due in a week.
I can move straight back in.
567
00:33:41,895 --> 00:33:43,980
Let's go home now and start
throwin' her stuff out.
568
00:33:44,189 --> 00:33:45,690
I am not throwing
in the towel, Timmy.
569
00:33:45,899 --> 00:33:48,109
I have to believe even if it's
microscopic in size,
570
00:33:48,318 --> 00:33:49,361
that she has some dignity left.
571
00:33:49,569 --> 00:33:51,029
She's got to be about to crack.
572
00:33:52,155 --> 00:33:54,741
Isn't that,
that twat from the funeral?
573
00:33:54,950 --> 00:33:56,952
Yeah, let's
talk about this later.
574
00:33:57,118 --> 00:33:57,911
Hello, gorgeous.
575
00:33:58,119 --> 00:33:59,996
Johnny, Tim. Tim, Johnny.
576
00:34:00,205 --> 00:34:03,124
Yeah, we met at the funeral,
remember? Uh, chinless.
577
00:34:03,333 --> 00:34:04,125
Lovely to see
you again, Timothy.
578
00:34:04,334 --> 00:34:05,794
Whatever.
579
00:34:06,002 --> 00:34:07,504
[phone ringing]
580
00:34:07,712 --> 00:34:10,131
Uh, sugar tits, can I get a pint
for my guys over here.
581
00:34:11,299 --> 00:34:12,634
He's fucking JS.
582
00:34:12,842 --> 00:34:14,928
He's the bloke who's been
talking to Connie.
583
00:34:15,136 --> 00:34:16,888
Well, you're gonna definitely
have to raise your game
584
00:34:17,097 --> 00:34:19,099
if you want to be as
obnoxious as this prick.
585
00:34:19,307 --> 00:34:21,059
Listen, do you know
who you're talking to?
586
00:34:21,268 --> 00:34:22,727
Do you know who you're
talking to? Johnathan Sothcott.
587
00:34:22,936 --> 00:34:24,604
Do you know
who I'm fucking talking to?
588
00:34:24,813 --> 00:34:25,897
It's the dick less fuck face,
that fucking isn't having you.
589
00:34:26,106 --> 00:34:27,691
Now go fuck yourself.
590
00:34:27,899 --> 00:34:29,901
Ugh, fucking charities.
591
00:34:30,944 --> 00:34:33,029
Mate, if I wanted head, I'd
have asked for a fucking blow job.
592
00:34:34,781 --> 00:34:37,867
You, pint, sort it out.
593
00:34:38,076 --> 00:34:40,036
-Sorry, I do apologize, sir.
-Yeah, yeah, yeah.
594
00:34:42,205 --> 00:34:44,624
[Johnny laughs]
595
00:34:46,084 --> 00:34:47,294
-Wonderful.
-[bartender] Aye.
596
00:34:49,045 --> 00:34:51,506
Just stop.
597
00:34:56,386 --> 00:34:59,139
Thanks. Hey.
598
00:34:59,347 --> 00:35:01,182
Kendra, hi, hi.
599
00:35:01,391 --> 00:35:02,559
-Oh god.
-Uh--
600
00:35:06,146 --> 00:35:07,981
Avoided an awkward
situation there, didn't we?
601
00:35:08,189 --> 00:35:09,065
Did we?
602
00:35:09,274 --> 00:35:10,609
Maybe that can be our thing.
603
00:35:10,817 --> 00:35:12,444
Listen, whatever Connie wants
you to say to me
604
00:35:12,652 --> 00:35:13,820
-I don't know why she
didn't just-- -No, she didn't.
605
00:35:14,029 --> 00:35:14,779
Connie didn't send me
to say anything.
606
00:35:14,988 --> 00:35:16,364
No, this is for me.
607
00:35:16,573 --> 00:35:18,783
Okay, what do you want?
608
00:35:18,992 --> 00:35:20,994
-Grab a coffee?
-Yes, sorry, Mark. Thanks.
609
00:35:24,289 --> 00:35:26,916
And so yeah,
for whatever reason,
610
00:35:27,125 --> 00:35:29,502
she and Johnny
think I'm about to become rich,
611
00:35:29,711 --> 00:35:31,880
and so they're just-- Thank you.
612
00:35:32,088 --> 00:35:33,840
-That's fine.
-They're just using me.
613
00:35:34,049 --> 00:35:35,050
Classic Connie.
614
00:35:35,258 --> 00:35:37,677
Yeah, that's my sad sorry tale.
615
00:35:39,220 --> 00:35:40,263
Why did you two fall out?
616
00:35:40,472 --> 00:35:42,182
Once upon a time, I was engaged
617
00:35:42,390 --> 00:35:44,934
and she slept with my fiancé.
618
00:35:45,143 --> 00:35:46,353
Oh.
619
00:35:46,561 --> 00:35:48,313
No happy ending then.
620
00:35:48,521 --> 00:35:50,106
I caught them
at Tommy's funeral.
621
00:35:50,315 --> 00:35:53,360
He was consoling her in
a back room, my back room.
622
00:35:53,568 --> 00:35:56,279
I mean anal. My maid of honor!
623
00:35:56,488 --> 00:35:57,572
How her clichéd is that?
624
00:35:57,781 --> 00:35:59,032
Anal.
625
00:35:59,240 --> 00:36:00,367
Maybe I should take a leaf
out of your book
626
00:36:00,533 --> 00:36:02,118
and get revenge on him.
627
00:36:02,285 --> 00:36:04,829
Well, I have a list of things
I was planning to do.
628
00:36:05,038 --> 00:36:06,122
-Uhuh.
-Happy to share.
629
00:36:06,331 --> 00:36:08,541
-Great.
-Fucking anal.
630
00:36:08,750 --> 00:36:10,710
Uh, you could create
a fake email
631
00:36:10,919 --> 00:36:12,545
and send his boss dick pics.
632
00:36:12,754 --> 00:36:14,714
You drop eye drops in his drink,
you could fake a pregnancy.
633
00:36:14,923 --> 00:36:16,132
Oh my god,
do you know what I could do?
634
00:36:16,341 --> 00:36:17,676
What?
635
00:36:17,884 --> 00:36:19,302
A letter arrived
from the Modern School of Art
636
00:36:19,511 --> 00:36:20,428
inviting him to apply.
637
00:36:20,595 --> 00:36:21,513
It's his dream opportunity,
638
00:36:21,721 --> 00:36:23,848
it's all he's ever talked about.
639
00:36:24,057 --> 00:36:25,517
He doesn't know
the letter's arrived.
640
00:36:25,725 --> 00:36:27,268
Rip it up.
641
00:36:27,477 --> 00:36:29,020
It's a bit of a shit thing to
do, though, isn't it?
642
00:36:29,229 --> 00:36:32,524
Aw, cheating on you with
your best friend isn't?
643
00:36:32,732 --> 00:36:34,234
-Fuck him.
-Fuck him.
644
00:36:34,442 --> 00:36:36,236
How far
are you going to take this?
645
00:36:36,444 --> 00:36:38,905
[sighs] Take it
as far as it needs to go.
646
00:36:40,156 --> 00:36:42,492
It's weird though,
she strangely thick skinned.
647
00:36:42,701 --> 00:36:44,452
She seems to be
taking it all in a stride.
648
00:36:44,661 --> 00:36:46,246
-Bitchy.
-You know what it is?
649
00:36:46,454 --> 00:36:47,789
I think I'm too charming.
650
00:36:47,997 --> 00:36:49,457
I just seem to fail
to repel her.
651
00:36:51,209 --> 00:36:53,920
No? No, okay, it's not that.
652
00:36:54,129 --> 00:36:55,964
She hates someone
being center of attention.
653
00:36:57,674 --> 00:36:58,717
Will you help me with something?
654
00:36:58,925 --> 00:37:00,677
What little something?
655
00:37:00,885 --> 00:37:01,928
Are you free tonight?
656
00:37:03,430 --> 00:37:06,057
What makes you think
I need to go on a blind date?
657
00:37:06,266 --> 00:37:07,517
Because you sit around
your flat wearing nothing
658
00:37:07,726 --> 00:37:09,144
but your pants
watching porn all day.
659
00:37:09,352 --> 00:37:13,356
Uh, not true, actually.
I'm on my PlayStation.
660
00:37:13,565 --> 00:37:14,274
Sorry, I didn't realize you were
661
00:37:14,482 --> 00:37:16,192
such a social butterfly.
662
00:37:16,401 --> 00:37:18,069
Are you wearing any trousers?
663
00:37:19,028 --> 00:37:20,655
Yes, I'll give you that one.
664
00:37:20,864 --> 00:37:25,034
Ducky, want to go on a date?
[speaking Ducky] Yeah.
665
00:37:27,287 --> 00:37:29,080
I think it's great
that he finally has a date.
666
00:37:29,289 --> 00:37:31,207
Yes, are you sure
they're going to let Tim in?
667
00:37:31,416 --> 00:37:34,043
Uh, come on, Connie,
can you just not be mean.
668
00:37:34,252 --> 00:37:35,754
We're meant to make him look
good in front of his girlfriend.
669
00:37:35,962 --> 00:37:38,840
Yeah, I'm assuming
she's blind or needs a visa.
670
00:37:39,007 --> 00:37:42,802
And here they are!
Hi. Hey, come in.
671
00:37:43,011 --> 00:37:45,096
[both sides gasp]
672
00:37:45,305 --> 00:37:46,598
Oh my god.
673
00:37:47,682 --> 00:37:49,809
Mark, Connie, meet Kendra.
674
00:37:50,018 --> 00:37:50,769
Wow!
675
00:37:51,686 --> 00:37:53,396
Connie, look, it's Kendra.
676
00:37:53,605 --> 00:37:54,814
Yes, I can see.
677
00:37:55,023 --> 00:37:57,776
Mark, Kendra,
do you know each other?
678
00:37:57,984 --> 00:38:01,529
Yes, we do, Tim.
We all went to school together.
679
00:38:01,738 --> 00:38:02,947
What a small world.
680
00:38:03,156 --> 00:38:05,450
-Connie.
-Kendra, how are you?
681
00:38:05,658 --> 00:38:06,951
Yeah, good, thanks, Con.
682
00:38:07,160 --> 00:38:08,578
Hey, congratulations
on your engagement.
683
00:38:08,787 --> 00:38:12,540
He's quite the steal.
Oh, calamari.
684
00:38:16,711 --> 00:38:18,129
So, how did you two meet?
685
00:38:20,131 --> 00:38:20,965
In--
686
00:38:22,801 --> 00:38:25,512
-I don't mean to pry. [chuckles]
-Yes. [sarcastic laugh]
687
00:38:28,014 --> 00:38:30,183
I have to say, Kendra that dress
looks marvelous on you.
688
00:38:30,391 --> 00:38:31,851
Well, thanks, that's so sweet.
689
00:38:32,060 --> 00:38:34,771
No, not at all.
Tim, you are a lucky man.
690
00:38:35,814 --> 00:38:39,025
What? Since when did you
become a fashion expert?
691
00:38:42,320 --> 00:38:44,447
You've never complimented me
on anything I've ever worn.
692
00:38:44,656 --> 00:38:47,408
Or maybe if you went shopping
with Kendra, I would.
693
00:38:47,617 --> 00:38:49,077
[Kendra] I'd love
to take you shopping.
694
00:38:49,285 --> 00:38:51,204
I'm sure we could sort that out.
695
00:38:54,165 --> 00:38:56,084
Oh my god,
speaking of embarrassing things,
696
00:38:56,292 --> 00:38:57,794
do you remember history lessons,
697
00:38:58,002 --> 00:39:00,171
or awkward bonus sessions as
you used to call them?
698
00:39:00,380 --> 00:39:02,131
God, yes, how could I forget?
699
00:39:02,340 --> 00:39:05,677
It was like clockwork. Never
knew I liked history so much.
700
00:39:05,885 --> 00:39:07,136
He had to sit at
the back of the class.
701
00:39:07,345 --> 00:39:08,263
Yes, I was always afraid.
702
00:39:08,471 --> 00:39:09,430
They make me go to the front
703
00:39:09,639 --> 00:39:10,390
and then I'd tip the table over
704
00:39:10,598 --> 00:39:12,100
on my way up! [laughter]
705
00:39:12,308 --> 00:39:13,268
You're telling me,
we had to put a block
706
00:39:13,476 --> 00:39:14,269
on the History Channel.
707
00:39:14,477 --> 00:39:16,062
[laughter]
708
00:39:16,271 --> 00:39:17,730
Tim, you're hilarious.
709
00:39:19,649 --> 00:39:21,609
Kendra, and do you remember
the time when Mr. Thomas
710
00:39:21,818 --> 00:39:26,155
passed out outside
the dining hall? [laughs]
711
00:39:31,160 --> 00:39:32,996
He had a very
serious condition, Connie.
712
00:39:34,372 --> 00:39:35,707
A bit awkward.
713
00:39:35,915 --> 00:39:37,876
-What was it he had?
-Narcolepsy.
714
00:39:42,714 --> 00:39:45,758
Um, didn't he end up
getting buried alive.
715
00:39:45,967 --> 00:39:47,385
[laughter]
716
00:39:47,552 --> 00:39:49,178
[Mark] That was a good one!
717
00:39:50,263 --> 00:39:51,723
It wasn't funny.
718
00:39:51,931 --> 00:39:56,644
Friends, ahh, narcolepsy.
719
00:39:56,853 --> 00:39:58,730
None of you is funny.
720
00:39:58,938 --> 00:40:04,193
I'm in love, I'm in love, I'm in
love, and she loves me back.
721
00:40:04,402 --> 00:40:05,778
Tim, you get paid to say that.
722
00:40:05,987 --> 00:40:07,655
She probably said
you were the best she ever had
723
00:40:07,864 --> 00:40:09,532
and that Tiny Tim was huge.
724
00:40:09,741 --> 00:40:11,826
Ha, ha, you can joke
all you want, Mark
725
00:40:12,035 --> 00:40:15,663
it doesn't matter,
because I'm in love.
726
00:40:15,830 --> 00:40:17,457
I'm in love with Kendra.
727
00:40:18,750 --> 00:40:19,751
With Kendra?
728
00:40:19,959 --> 00:40:21,920
Yes, a million times, yes!
729
00:40:23,421 --> 00:40:25,506
Mate, why don't you sit down
730
00:40:25,715 --> 00:40:29,093
because I think maybe you've
missed the entire point of last night.
731
00:40:30,261 --> 00:40:31,137
All right.
732
00:40:32,805 --> 00:40:35,350
[mandolin music]
733
00:40:35,558 --> 00:40:38,269
Ooo, I better get this.
734
00:40:39,228 --> 00:40:40,647
-Here you go, sugar tits.
-Thank you.
735
00:40:43,358 --> 00:40:45,276
Ahh, right.
736
00:40:46,194 --> 00:40:47,779
Could you please
put some clothes on?
737
00:40:47,987 --> 00:40:49,739
Could you please take some off?
738
00:40:49,948 --> 00:40:52,158
Oh god, it was so awkward.
739
00:40:52,367 --> 00:40:54,619
What the fuck
was she doing there?
740
00:40:54,827 --> 00:40:56,245
And to add salt to the wound,
741
00:40:56,454 --> 00:40:59,707
I had to sit there
fake smiling as usual. Ugh.
742
00:40:59,916 --> 00:41:03,336
I've got lockjaw
on a daily basis now, ugh.
743
00:41:03,544 --> 00:41:04,963
What, from giving him
loads of blowjobs?
744
00:41:06,506 --> 00:41:08,132
No. Oh god,
745
00:41:08,341 --> 00:41:11,135
if I fake any more, I'm going to
get a brain hemorrhage.
746
00:41:11,344 --> 00:41:13,846
[yawning and mumbling]
747
00:41:14,055 --> 00:41:16,808
I'm sorry, am I--
Am I boring you?
748
00:41:18,309 --> 00:41:20,061
Ugh, ah.
749
00:41:22,271 --> 00:41:25,775
I'm good, sugar tits.
750
00:41:25,942 --> 00:41:27,902
What you're
doing is great, right?
751
00:41:28,111 --> 00:41:32,448
I'm really proud of how far
you've come. Just [inhales] breathe.
752
00:41:32,615 --> 00:41:34,158
-Uhuh.
-It's all in the fucking mind now,
753
00:41:34,325 --> 00:41:35,702
yeah?
You've got to stay focused.
754
00:41:35,868 --> 00:41:36,869
Uhuh.
755
00:41:37,078 --> 00:41:38,162
-Yes?
-Yes.
756
00:41:38,371 --> 00:41:40,873
Think of what we
can do with it, yes?
757
00:41:41,082 --> 00:41:41,916
Yes, I can buy therapy.
758
00:41:45,712 --> 00:41:46,754
Great chat.
759
00:41:49,757 --> 00:41:50,633
Ugh.
760
00:41:53,386 --> 00:41:55,638
-You used me.
-I thought you knew what we were doing.
761
00:41:55,847 --> 00:41:57,515
-How could you do that to me?
-Because, Tim,
762
00:41:57,682 --> 00:41:59,350
-I thought you knew what we were doing.
-Why?
763
00:41:59,559 --> 00:42:01,978
Because I don't have feelings?
Because I don't have needs?
764
00:42:02,186 --> 00:42:05,273
-Oh, for god's sake.
-Oh, good old Tim, we'll use him.
765
00:42:05,481 --> 00:42:09,193
All he does is sit around
and watch porn all day.
766
00:42:09,402 --> 00:42:11,154
An' uh, he won't mind.
767
00:42:11,362 --> 00:42:14,741
He's probably spanking
one out right now as we speak.
768
00:42:14,949 --> 00:42:17,702
-Were you?
-Yes.
769
00:42:17,910 --> 00:42:20,038
-Well.
-That's beside the point.
770
00:42:20,246 --> 00:42:23,875
You assumed that I was
too insensitive to care.
771
00:42:24,083 --> 00:42:26,169
Prick me, Mark. Do I not bleed?
772
00:42:26,377 --> 00:42:29,672
Tim, I remember telling you
the actual words
773
00:42:29,881 --> 00:42:31,549
that it was a fake date.
774
00:42:31,758 --> 00:42:36,554
Congratulations, Mark
because I do care. I do bleed.
775
00:42:44,479 --> 00:42:45,521
Tim.
776
00:42:46,814 --> 00:42:47,648
[door slams]
777
00:42:48,816 --> 00:42:50,109
[door opens]
778
00:42:50,318 --> 00:42:52,695
-Tim?
-Yes.
779
00:42:52,904 --> 00:42:54,280
Do you want
to go on a quick holiday?
780
00:42:54,489 --> 00:42:55,990
Yes, all right.
781
00:42:56,199 --> 00:43:00,119
[classical music]
782
00:43:19,430 --> 00:43:22,183
[Connie screaming]
783
00:43:22,391 --> 00:43:25,686
-Oh, hell.
-Honestly, you barely notice it.
784
00:43:25,895 --> 00:43:28,147
Are you blind
or are you just a fucking moron?
785
00:43:28,356 --> 00:43:30,149
I like it. I think it suits you.
786
00:43:31,359 --> 00:43:32,485
You're a moron.
787
00:43:34,237 --> 00:43:36,447
I'm not the one who put hair
removal cream in my shampoo, am I?
788
00:43:36,656 --> 00:43:38,157
What the hell
was hair removal cream
789
00:43:38,366 --> 00:43:39,784
doing in there
in the first place?
790
00:43:39,992 --> 00:43:41,661
I'm sorry, but do you want
me to have a hairy back?
791
00:43:42,912 --> 00:43:43,996
[crying]
792
00:43:45,289 --> 00:43:46,499
Look, the uh, car's
793
00:43:46,707 --> 00:43:48,000
going to be here
in less than an hour,
794
00:43:48,209 --> 00:43:49,293
do you think maybe
you'll have sobbed out
795
00:43:49,502 --> 00:43:50,795
all your boohooing by then?
796
00:43:51,003 --> 00:43:52,213
[Connie crying]
797
00:43:52,421 --> 00:43:54,966
No? Okay.
Then maybe you have a big hat?
798
00:43:55,174 --> 00:43:56,509
No, I do not have a big hat
799
00:43:56,717 --> 00:43:57,969
and if you think I'm going to
go out in public
800
00:43:58,177 --> 00:43:59,303
looking like this--
801
00:44:00,304 --> 00:44:02,598
Okay, well, then I'll uh,
802
00:44:02,765 --> 00:44:04,475
I'll cancel the car
and the holiday then.
803
00:44:04,684 --> 00:44:05,476
Thank you.
804
00:44:06,936 --> 00:44:08,646
I'll, uh, call the church
and postpone the wedding too.
805
00:44:11,065 --> 00:44:12,275
What?
806
00:44:12,483 --> 00:44:13,860
Well, if you can't
go out in public
807
00:44:14,068 --> 00:44:14,819
I assume you have to wait
till your hair grows back
808
00:44:15,027 --> 00:44:15,862
to get married.
809
00:44:16,028 --> 00:44:17,947
So-- think of the photos.
810
00:44:18,156 --> 00:44:21,284
No, it's fine.
811
00:44:21,492 --> 00:44:23,411
Is it? Are you sure, slappy?
812
00:44:23,619 --> 00:44:29,917
[chuckles] It's not bad actually
like, you said, quite good.
813
00:44:31,752 --> 00:44:34,297
Look at all the things
that I can do,
814
00:44:35,590 --> 00:44:38,217
that I couldn't do
when I had too much hair.
815
00:44:40,469 --> 00:44:45,850
-Great, so all good for the holiday then?
-Yup.
816
00:44:47,685 --> 00:44:50,062
Cool. I think I have
something that might help.
817
00:44:50,271 --> 00:44:53,191
Come on. In case
you were wondering
818
00:44:53,399 --> 00:44:56,319
I wore it for a fancy
dress contest. I was Cher.
819
00:44:56,527 --> 00:44:58,446
You know I wasn't wondering.
820
00:44:58,654 --> 00:45:00,656
I wore it a bit better than you,
that's probably why I came second.
821
00:45:00,865 --> 00:45:02,742
Excellent, there they are.
822
00:45:02,950 --> 00:45:04,285
Surprise, road trip.
823
00:45:04,452 --> 00:45:06,913
Oh my fucking god,
this is your surprise?
824
00:45:07,121 --> 00:45:09,248
-Who doesn't love a road trip?
-Me.
825
00:45:09,415 --> 00:45:10,666
-Come on.
-I don't.
826
00:45:10,875 --> 00:45:11,709
Let me help you with that bag.
827
00:45:11,918 --> 00:45:13,211
Yeah, yeah, of course.
828
00:45:13,419 --> 00:45:14,754
Thank you, pal. Hello, love.
829
00:45:14,962 --> 00:45:15,963
-Hi, babe.
-Hi.
830
00:45:16,130 --> 00:45:17,965
Nice to see you. Your hair.
831
00:45:18,174 --> 00:45:19,258
-Yes, my hair.
-Look at you.
832
00:45:19,425 --> 00:45:21,052
-Yup.
-Ready?
833
00:45:21,219 --> 00:45:23,346
-[dog barks]
-What the-- What is that?
834
00:45:23,554 --> 00:45:24,555
Oh, say hello to Ducky.
835
00:45:24,764 --> 00:45:26,390
I hate dogs.
836
00:45:26,599 --> 00:45:28,684
Trust me, it'll be fun.
Come on, get the door.
837
00:45:31,604 --> 00:45:32,480
There you go.
838
00:45:32,688 --> 00:45:33,439
Thanks.
839
00:45:35,942 --> 00:45:39,153
Excuse me.
Timmy, all right, pal.
840
00:45:40,655 --> 00:45:43,157
So, No, no, no, no, please.
Hello, Ducky.
841
00:45:43,366 --> 00:45:46,035
-Hello, Ducky.
-There you go.
842
00:45:46,202 --> 00:45:47,495
[car door closes]
843
00:45:47,703 --> 00:45:48,621
Come on, hurry up.
844
00:45:48,829 --> 00:45:49,872
Come on, let's go.
845
00:45:50,081 --> 00:45:55,461
[electro piano music]
846
00:45:55,670 --> 00:45:56,420
[car horn beeps]
847
00:45:57,797 --> 00:46:02,051
She is so slow. Waiting all day
for you, come on.
848
00:46:03,094 --> 00:46:08,808
Tim. Tim, could you please tell your
stupid dog to stop breathing all over me?
849
00:46:09,016 --> 00:46:10,851
-I'm going to be sick.
-Ducky, stop breathing
850
00:46:11,060 --> 00:46:13,896
on your auntie Connie.
There's a good dog.
851
00:46:14,105 --> 00:46:17,275
Tim, this is a lovely car. It's
much nicer than I was expecting.
852
00:46:17,483 --> 00:46:19,694
-How did you afford this?
-Ah, you know.
853
00:46:19,902 --> 00:46:22,655
No, I don't, that's why I'm
asking. How did you afford it?
854
00:46:22,822 --> 00:46:24,949
Popped it on the old credit
card, no need to thank me.
855
00:46:25,157 --> 00:46:27,451
[chuckles]
Yeah. Stop going on about it.
856
00:46:29,036 --> 00:46:31,497
You don't have
a credit card, Tim.
857
00:46:31,706 --> 00:46:32,832
Where is the lease agreement?
858
00:46:39,171 --> 00:46:40,965
You put it on
my fucking credit card.
859
00:46:41,173 --> 00:46:42,800
Like I said,
no need to thank me, all yours.
860
00:46:42,967 --> 00:46:45,011
-You've hired it for a fucking month?
-Yeah.
861
00:46:45,219 --> 00:46:46,137
-Just-- Fuck me!
-Shit.
862
00:46:46,304 --> 00:46:47,930
Fuck me. God, sorry.
863
00:46:48,139 --> 00:46:49,598
Motherfucker.
864
00:46:49,807 --> 00:46:52,560
-Are you all right?
-That's going to stain.
865
00:46:52,768 --> 00:46:57,440
-You think? Fucking joke.
-What is?
866
00:46:57,648 --> 00:47:00,693
Everything. Everything
you have done is a joke.
867
00:47:00,901 --> 00:47:02,403
All right, keep your hair on.
868
00:47:02,611 --> 00:47:04,447
What is it? Do you just wake up
every morning,
869
00:47:04,613 --> 00:47:06,991
and think of all the things
you could do to annoy me?
870
00:47:07,199 --> 00:47:08,868
I'm struggling to fathom
871
00:47:09,076 --> 00:47:13,122
how someone can operate
on such a moronic level.
872
00:47:13,331 --> 00:47:15,499
Really?
I thought I completed you.
873
00:47:15,708 --> 00:47:17,793
Let's not mistake
a fire for a fireman.
874
00:47:17,960 --> 00:47:19,086
Oh, interesting distinction
875
00:47:19,295 --> 00:47:20,004
let's see where she goes
with this.
876
00:47:20,212 --> 00:47:22,423
Okay, uh, where to begin?
877
00:47:22,631 --> 00:47:25,718
You have the social grace
of a syphilitic gorilla
878
00:47:26,761 --> 00:47:30,181
-and I can't go anywhere without you humiliating me.
-That's not true.
879
00:47:30,389 --> 00:47:31,557
Okay, what about
the concert we went to,
880
00:47:31,766 --> 00:47:33,017
where you sung along?
881
00:47:33,225 --> 00:47:34,226
It's a concert.
882
00:47:34,435 --> 00:47:35,311
We were at the opera.
883
00:47:35,519 --> 00:47:36,937
Well, excuse me, your majesty!
884
00:47:37,146 --> 00:47:38,439
Okay, and then the time
885
00:47:38,647 --> 00:47:40,316
I took you
to my favorite restaurant
886
00:47:40,524 --> 00:47:42,318
and you complained
the food was undercooked?
887
00:47:42,526 --> 00:47:44,028
I like my steak well done.
888
00:47:44,236 --> 00:47:45,446
It was steak tartare,
889
00:47:45,654 --> 00:47:47,573
it's supposed to be raw,
you fucking moron.
890
00:47:47,782 --> 00:47:50,159
If I'm such an unbearable
monster to be around
891
00:47:50,368 --> 00:47:52,119
why don't you just
call the whole thing off?
892
00:47:53,537 --> 00:47:56,499
[music]
893
00:47:59,377 --> 00:48:03,005
I spy with my little eye
something beginning with H.
894
00:48:03,214 --> 00:48:04,632
No, you don't.
895
00:48:04,840 --> 00:48:06,092
-Hedge.
-No.
896
00:48:06,258 --> 00:48:08,469
-Haircut.
-No. Hitchhiker.
897
00:48:08,677 --> 00:48:10,137
Ooo, yeah.
898
00:48:10,346 --> 00:48:12,765
-No, no, don't. No.
-Yes, we're going to do it.
899
00:48:16,268 --> 00:48:18,020
-Cool car, guys.
-Thank you.
900
00:48:18,229 --> 00:48:19,563
Cool dog, cool dog.
901
00:48:19,730 --> 00:48:23,609
Fucked him? No?
That's a cute dog, man.
902
00:48:24,693 --> 00:48:26,987
You farted? No?
903
00:48:27,196 --> 00:48:28,447
Fuck off.
904
00:48:28,656 --> 00:48:31,617
Fair enough.
Anybody fancy a threesome?
905
00:48:31,826 --> 00:48:33,244
There's five of us.
906
00:48:33,452 --> 00:48:37,581
Yes, well, two can watch,
one can film ! [screams]
907
00:48:42,837 --> 00:48:44,588
[guitar acoustic]
908
00:48:49,885 --> 00:48:51,429
I'm just gonna change my top.
909
00:49:22,877 --> 00:49:25,004
Were we supposed to be
leaving Connie behind?
910
00:49:26,964 --> 00:49:27,882
Fuck.
911
00:49:30,718 --> 00:49:34,180
Fuck, I wouldn't
even do this on purpose.
912
00:49:34,388 --> 00:49:36,474
Oh god, look,
she looks so happy.
913
00:49:41,353 --> 00:49:42,980
[Mark] I'm so sorry.
914
00:49:49,612 --> 00:49:51,363
I'm really sorry, Connie,
can you just--
915
00:49:52,865 --> 00:49:53,991
Can you say something?
916
00:49:55,868 --> 00:49:59,371
Call me stupid or useless?
917
00:49:59,580 --> 00:50:03,125
Something?
918
00:50:24,396 --> 00:50:25,940
[crow cawing]
919
00:50:26,148 --> 00:50:28,067
[Connie] What do you mean
we're sleeping in a tent?
920
00:50:29,485 --> 00:50:31,028
We're sleeping in a tent.
921
00:50:34,949 --> 00:50:36,659
[Kendra] Come on,
it will be fun.
922
00:50:36,867 --> 00:50:39,078
[Connie] Oh god, why are you
pretending to enjoy all this?
923
00:50:39,286 --> 00:50:40,496
[Kendra] Could ask you
the same question.
924
00:50:40,704 --> 00:50:41,997
What do you mean by that?
925
00:50:43,374 --> 00:50:45,251
You clearly don't love Mark.
926
00:50:45,459 --> 00:50:48,212
-Huh, of course I do.
-Really?
927
00:50:48,420 --> 00:50:49,922
Well, then name something
you even like about him
928
00:50:50,130 --> 00:50:51,006
because you clearly
don't struggle
929
00:50:51,215 --> 00:50:51,882
to list the things he does
930
00:50:52,091 --> 00:50:53,092
that piss you off.
931
00:50:54,468 --> 00:50:55,344
I knew this would happen.
932
00:50:56,679 --> 00:50:58,556
Yup, you still blame me.
933
00:50:58,764 --> 00:51:01,141
Of course not.
You were such a good friend.
934
00:51:01,350 --> 00:51:03,310
It's not my fault
you conning on to a boyfriend.
935
00:51:03,519 --> 00:51:05,604
Fiancé, and yes it is,
if you're the one who fucks him.
936
00:51:08,524 --> 00:51:11,777
[Tim] Come on now,
I've got your dish.
937
00:51:12,903 --> 00:51:19,994
-[Ducky growls]
-I have it. Oh, beans?
938
00:51:20,202 --> 00:51:22,746
-Not really a big fan.
-Right.
939
00:51:23,872 --> 00:51:25,374
In the damn supermarket, anyone?
940
00:51:25,583 --> 00:51:26,584
Knock yourself out.
941
00:51:26,792 --> 00:51:28,252
-I'll come.
-Right.
942
00:51:31,422 --> 00:51:34,592
You know what?
I saw a lovely pub nearby.
943
00:51:36,260 --> 00:51:41,265
Spork. It's not yours Ducky!
944
00:51:42,224 --> 00:51:44,268
-Are we taking this too far?
-No.
945
00:51:46,395 --> 00:51:48,647
Was it honestly an accident
leaving Connie behind?
946
00:51:48,856 --> 00:51:49,773
Yes.
947
00:51:49,982 --> 00:51:51,275
You sure it hasn't just become
948
00:51:51,483 --> 00:51:52,776
second nature to be mean to her?
949
00:51:54,028 --> 00:51:55,571
Most people
would've moved on by now.
950
00:51:55,779 --> 00:51:58,282
Really?
You moved on from your fiancé?
951
00:52:00,451 --> 00:52:01,410
No.
952
00:52:03,787 --> 00:52:04,830
Thanks.
953
00:52:06,248 --> 00:52:08,542
Rip up the letter.
You'll feel better.
954
00:52:08,751 --> 00:52:10,669
I don't think
revenge is the answer
955
00:52:10,878 --> 00:52:12,129
and I don't think you do either.
956
00:52:12,338 --> 00:52:14,173
Well, that's working for me.
957
00:52:23,807 --> 00:52:24,808
-Here, go on.
-No.
958
00:52:25,017 --> 00:52:25,934
Let's destroy the evidence.
959
00:52:27,728 --> 00:52:29,813
-[phone camera click]
-What are you doing?
960
00:52:30,022 --> 00:52:31,940
What I should've done
from the start.
961
00:52:33,317 --> 00:52:35,944
I'm sending it to him.
962
00:52:41,241 --> 00:52:43,160
Maybe Connie deserves this,
963
00:52:43,327 --> 00:52:46,747
but are we any better by being
so dishonest and manipulative?
964
00:52:48,499 --> 00:52:50,000
Getting your dignity back
has got be worth something,
965
00:52:50,209 --> 00:52:51,210
isn't it?
966
00:52:51,418 --> 00:52:52,628
Yeah, but I'd like to point out
967
00:52:52,836 --> 00:52:53,879
there is a big difference
968
00:52:54,088 --> 00:52:54,838
between getting
your dignity back
969
00:52:55,005 --> 00:52:56,465
and getting revenge.
970
00:52:56,632 --> 00:52:58,175
Maybe it's just time
that on behalf of all men,
971
00:52:58,342 --> 00:53:00,135
that have been duped by some
scurrilous gold-digger
972
00:53:00,344 --> 00:53:01,720
that I get a little payback.
973
00:53:01,929 --> 00:53:04,848
Bollocks. Don't play the victim.
974
00:53:05,015 --> 00:53:07,393
Don't pretend
this is some grand crusade.
975
00:53:07,601 --> 00:53:09,603
This is about your fragile ego.
976
00:53:09,812 --> 00:53:12,564
-Ooh?
-Here's the thing I don't understand, Mark.
977
00:53:12,773 --> 00:53:16,360
Connie is already a fundamentally
unhappy person, right?
978
00:53:16,568 --> 00:53:19,029
So, why are you wasting
so much of your time
979
00:53:19,238 --> 00:53:21,323
and energy on trying to
make her even more miserable?
980
00:53:21,532 --> 00:53:23,200
There's no prize
at the end of this.
981
00:53:25,077 --> 00:53:27,162
And I don't think she's the only
one who's being punished.
982
00:53:29,665 --> 00:53:30,624
I'll settle the bill.
983
00:53:32,000 --> 00:53:34,211
[background music]
984
00:53:34,420 --> 00:53:35,170
[cellphone pings a text]
985
00:53:52,020 --> 00:53:54,940
[snoring]
986
00:54:05,534 --> 00:54:10,456
Oh my god, oh my god.
[cough, cough] Oh my god.
987
00:54:19,131 --> 00:54:20,758
Come here, you little shit bag.
988
00:54:20,966 --> 00:54:22,259
Connie, can I have a word?
989
00:54:22,468 --> 00:54:23,677
[Connie] Come here.
No, leave me alone.
990
00:54:23,886 --> 00:54:26,346
Come on. Give it to me,
stupid dog.
991
00:54:26,555 --> 00:54:27,806
[growling]
992
00:54:28,015 --> 00:54:29,391
-[Mark] Connie.
-Mark, leave me alone!
993
00:54:29,600 --> 00:54:32,227
Leave me alone. No, get off.
No, no, no, no.
994
00:54:32,436 --> 00:54:34,021
-Connie.
-What? What?
995
00:54:34,229 --> 00:54:34,980
I just want to have a chat.
996
00:54:35,189 --> 00:54:36,607
Oh, you want to chat?
997
00:54:36,815 --> 00:54:39,026
What do you want
to chat about Mark?
998
00:54:39,234 --> 00:54:42,988
What nugget of brilliance
have you got for me today?
999
00:54:43,197 --> 00:54:45,574
Have you got another
fucking surprise up your sleeve?
1000
00:54:45,783 --> 00:54:47,618
Are we going to the sauna
with your fat friend or maybe,
1001
00:54:47,826 --> 00:54:49,787
I'm going to go winkle picking
with Kendra, will that be fun?
1002
00:54:49,995 --> 00:54:50,996
That wouldn't be awkward,
would it?
1003
00:54:52,080 --> 00:54:55,375
Tell me, Mark.
I'm waiting on tenterhooks.
1004
00:54:55,584 --> 00:54:58,128
I'm waiting with bated breath
1005
00:54:58,337 --> 00:55:02,591
to hear what earth shattering
chat we're going to have.
1006
00:55:04,593 --> 00:55:08,305
-Don't leave me in the dark, Mark. Tell me.
-Nothing, Connie.
1007
00:55:08,514 --> 00:55:11,642
-Oh, good. So can we go home?
-No, not yet.
1008
00:55:11,850 --> 00:55:14,019
Of course. We're going to stay
another night
1009
00:55:14,228 --> 00:55:17,815
-in this luxury five-star field.
-Nope.
1010
00:55:18,023 --> 00:55:20,108
-Well, what then?
-We're gonna, um--
1011
00:55:20,317 --> 00:55:24,571
Oh, no, I'm gonna stop you right
there. I don't want to ruin the surprise,
1012
00:55:24,780 --> 00:55:27,282
'cause you know how much
I fucking love them so far.
1013
00:55:27,491 --> 00:55:29,576
Yeah well, you know what? You'll probably
hate it like everything else, wouldn't you?
1014
00:55:29,785 --> 00:55:32,996
-Ugh. Where's the bathroom?
-Oh, it's over there next
1015
00:55:33,205 --> 00:55:35,749
-to the five-star restaurant.
-What restaurant?
1016
00:55:35,958 --> 00:55:38,335
Oh, that's right. We're in a
field. Go behind the bushes.
1017
00:55:38,502 --> 00:55:39,962
I'm not going behind the bushes.
1018
00:55:40,128 --> 00:55:41,129
Go wherever you want, Connie.
1019
00:55:41,338 --> 00:55:42,297
Just do it downwind of me.
1020
00:55:43,590 --> 00:55:49,179
Fuck you. Fuck you!
You get out as well.
1021
00:55:51,723 --> 00:55:56,228
What, a fucking lunch box?
Fucking camping.
1022
00:55:56,436 --> 00:55:58,355
Who's fucking
shit idea was that?
1023
00:55:58,564 --> 00:56:02,401
Could you help tidy up?
Fucking done with camping.
1024
00:56:02,609 --> 00:56:05,070
Fucking done with it.
Never again, never.
1025
00:56:05,279 --> 00:56:06,864
[music]
1026
00:56:10,617 --> 00:56:17,791
Connie! Connie! Connie,
you asleep? Connie.
1027
00:56:18,000 --> 00:56:18,959
[Connie] What? Shut up.
1028
00:56:19,167 --> 00:56:20,252
-Are you asleep?
-Yes.
1029
00:56:20,460 --> 00:56:21,670
I was just checking.
1030
00:56:26,925 --> 00:56:28,176
-[thud]
-Aaah!
1031
00:56:51,742 --> 00:56:52,618
We're here.
1032
00:56:53,785 --> 00:56:57,873
Kitten. Why do you
do this to yourself?
1033
00:56:58,081 --> 00:56:59,541
We'll have to get
Alexa to sort you out.
1034
00:56:59,750 --> 00:57:01,251
If you insist
on looking like a drag queen.
1035
00:57:01,460 --> 00:57:03,503
Couldn't you at least
look like a pretty one?
1036
00:57:03,712 --> 00:57:05,547
Oh, my god. Mom.
1037
00:57:05,756 --> 00:57:07,883
I thought she said her parents
died in a house fire.
1038
00:57:08,091 --> 00:57:11,386
-Pumpkin !
-Hi, ha, ha.
1039
00:57:13,055 --> 00:57:13,889
[kissing] You look awful.
1040
00:57:14,097 --> 00:57:15,182
Oh, god.
1041
00:57:15,390 --> 00:57:16,808
Surprise.
1042
00:57:17,017 --> 00:57:19,436
Well, hello, Mr. Beefcake.
1043
00:57:19,645 --> 00:57:21,521
Let's get you
out of these wet things.
1044
00:57:21,730 --> 00:57:22,481
They're not wet.
1045
00:57:22,689 --> 00:57:24,858
Oh, must just be me then.
1046
00:57:27,945 --> 00:57:28,820
I'm out of here.
1047
00:57:29,029 --> 00:57:30,697
No. Tim. I need you.
1048
00:57:30,906 --> 00:57:33,200
Come on, puppy.
We're going home.
1049
00:57:33,408 --> 00:57:34,743
Unlock the car.
1050
00:57:34,952 --> 00:57:35,953
Welcome, welcome.
1051
00:57:37,287 --> 00:57:40,248
-See you inside. Come on, trust me.
-But you--
1052
00:57:41,208 --> 00:57:44,086
So, you're the lucky chap
marrying my daughter, then?
1053
00:57:44,294 --> 00:57:45,712
-No, afraid not. Best man.
-Oh, best man?
1054
00:57:45,921 --> 00:57:48,548
-Yes.
-Are you a rugby player?
1055
00:57:56,014 --> 00:57:58,058
Don't take one. We don't want
to have to squeeze you
1056
00:57:58,266 --> 00:57:59,309
into your wedding dress.
1057
00:57:59,518 --> 00:58:00,560
Or, indeed the church.
1058
00:58:02,312 --> 00:58:05,023
How are you, Alexa? You look
like you've had a few late nights.
1059
00:58:05,190 --> 00:58:06,775
Hmph, what a chief?
1060
00:58:08,652 --> 00:58:10,070
Sorry, what?
1061
00:58:10,237 --> 00:58:11,780
I think it's a goth thing.
1062
00:58:11,947 --> 00:58:13,323
Chief.
1063
00:58:13,532 --> 00:58:14,992
Thank you.
1064
00:58:15,200 --> 00:58:16,910
Very kind of you
to put us all up, Carol.
1065
00:58:17,119 --> 00:58:19,579
Mm, my pleasure.
1066
00:58:19,788 --> 00:58:22,416
Connie doesn't have
that many friends over here.
1067
00:58:22,624 --> 00:58:25,460
Yeah, I wonder why.
1068
00:58:26,461 --> 00:58:27,879
Oh no, she's talking
to herself again.
1069
00:58:28,088 --> 00:58:28,922
I hope
that doesn't mean we have to
1070
00:58:29,131 --> 00:58:30,757
send her back to the clinic.
1071
00:58:30,966 --> 00:58:33,176
Well, I'm not paying for it,
and she's your problem now.
1072
00:58:35,679 --> 00:58:37,264
-[giggles]
-Do you want some bread, Chief?
1073
00:58:37,472 --> 00:58:38,807
Dad, will you say something?
1074
00:58:39,016 --> 00:58:41,435
Alexa, don't waste food
on Connie.
1075
00:58:42,561 --> 00:58:43,979
You know I recognize you.
1076
00:58:44,187 --> 00:58:46,023
I'm one
of Connie's oldest friends.
1077
00:58:47,232 --> 00:58:48,900
She used to come here every day.
1078
00:58:49,109 --> 00:58:50,777
Oh yeah,
1079
00:58:50,986 --> 00:58:52,362
the sexy one.
1080
00:58:52,571 --> 00:58:53,530
Oh, god.
1081
00:58:53,697 --> 00:58:55,407
They used to be best friends.
1082
00:58:55,615 --> 00:58:57,993
Best friends,
you mean only friend?
1083
00:58:58,201 --> 00:59:00,495
Until Connie
fucked Kendra's fiancé.
1084
00:59:00,704 --> 00:59:02,664
-Alexa!
-Pork chop.
1085
00:59:02,873 --> 00:59:04,332
-You bitch.
-Language.
1086
00:59:04,541 --> 00:59:06,334
-Chief.
-Well, I must say,
1087
00:59:06,543 --> 00:59:07,961
that doesn't sound
very sporting, pumpkin.
1088
00:59:08,170 --> 00:59:09,463
I hope you apologized.
1089
00:59:09,671 --> 00:59:11,006
No, daddy.
1090
00:59:11,214 --> 00:59:12,758
-Gabby.
-Yes, sir.
1091
00:59:12,966 --> 00:59:16,053
More bread.
Not for Connie though.
1092
00:59:16,261 --> 00:59:19,222
And uh, Gabby, fill this up,
would you?
1093
00:59:23,643 --> 00:59:25,687
-[slap]
-Oh, there's a good girl.
1094
00:59:31,985 --> 00:59:35,447
[Patrick] So, you're going to make an
honest woman of my daughter, then.
1095
00:59:35,655 --> 00:59:37,365
I'm expected to
give my blessing.
1096
00:59:37,574 --> 00:59:39,826
I need to know that you're
going to make her happy, Mark.
1097
00:59:40,035 --> 00:59:43,205
What's the point, if you're not
going to make each other happy?
1098
00:59:43,413 --> 00:59:45,165
It's a kind of embarrassing,
but um,
1099
00:59:45,332 --> 00:59:46,541
I spent most of my childhood
1100
00:59:46,750 --> 00:59:47,959
daydreaming about
my life with Connie.
1101
00:59:49,920 --> 00:59:53,590
You're right.
That was embarrassing.
1102
00:59:53,757 --> 00:59:55,258
No, no, no. That's really sweet.
1103
00:59:55,425 --> 00:59:58,637
Connie is so lucky
to have met someone like you.
1104
00:59:58,845 --> 01:00:00,388
-Yes, very lucky.
-Very lucky.
1105
01:00:00,597 --> 01:00:01,765
Very, very, lucky.
1106
01:00:01,973 --> 01:00:03,475
-Really lucky.
-Very lucky.
1107
01:00:03,642 --> 01:00:06,311
-Yes, very, very, very lucky.
-Chief.
1108
01:00:06,520 --> 01:00:09,314
Yeah, I'm a firm believer
in traditional standards.
1109
01:00:10,357 --> 01:00:12,359
Woman's place
is in the home and whatnot,
1110
01:00:12,567 --> 01:00:14,861
or in the kitchen
if you can't afford a maid.
1111
01:00:15,070 --> 01:00:16,655
That's very progressive of you.
1112
01:00:17,781 --> 01:00:21,034
Hmm.
Can you afford a maid, Mark?
1113
01:00:21,243 --> 01:00:23,245
I am working on it.
1114
01:00:23,453 --> 01:00:28,959
See, I want Connie to be independent,
not so reliant on mom and dad.
1115
01:00:29,167 --> 01:00:30,293
Yes, daddy.
1116
01:00:30,502 --> 01:00:32,379
That's why we spent
her inheritance,
1117
01:00:33,338 --> 01:00:35,507
on Alexa's promising pop career.
1118
01:00:36,967 --> 01:00:39,052
♪ Chief fuck
1119
01:00:41,429 --> 01:00:45,600
Now, I know that some people may see
me as a bit uh, old fashioned, that's fine.
1120
01:00:45,809 --> 01:00:51,064
The world goes on. But there are certain
things that I simply will not accept.
1121
01:00:51,273 --> 01:00:54,359
-[Mark] No, of course not.
-[Patrick] I mean, don't get me wrong.
1122
01:00:54,568 --> 01:00:57,529
I know that when you're young
things can seem very confusing.
1123
01:00:57,737 --> 01:00:59,072
I myself had crushes
1124
01:00:59,281 --> 01:01:03,034
on some of the bigger boys
at my school.
1125
01:01:03,243 --> 01:01:04,744
Oh, good Lord.
1126
01:01:04,953 --> 01:01:06,830
Captain of the football team
and so forth.
1127
01:01:08,498 --> 01:01:12,252
Harnessing and some fumbling's
heavy petting, gobbling.
1128
01:01:13,211 --> 01:01:18,884
That sort of thing, but the point is
one grows out of that type of behavior.
1129
01:01:19,926 --> 01:01:21,219
I suppose so.
1130
01:01:22,679 --> 01:01:23,513
More wine?
1131
01:01:25,849 --> 01:01:28,351
I'm going to pace myself,
if that's okay.
1132
01:01:28,560 --> 01:01:30,270
Hmm, suit yourself.
1133
01:01:30,437 --> 01:01:33,064
Gabby, top up, please.
1134
01:01:39,237 --> 01:01:41,281
[pigeon coos]
1135
01:01:44,993 --> 01:01:46,578
My god, let's get out of here.
1136
01:01:46,786 --> 01:01:48,121
I couldn't fathom
what he might do next.
1137
01:01:48,330 --> 01:01:49,998
Yeah, minging isn't it?
1138
01:01:50,207 --> 01:01:51,458
Yes, it's awful.
1139
01:01:51,666 --> 01:01:52,667
Almost makes me feel
sorry for her.
1140
01:01:52,876 --> 01:01:54,169
-Hmm.
-Explains a lot.
1141
01:01:54,377 --> 01:01:55,462
Yeah, it does.
1142
01:01:56,630 --> 01:01:58,048
If I didn't know any better,
1143
01:01:58,256 --> 01:01:59,424
and say what you said
about her in there,
1144
01:01:59,633 --> 01:02:01,092
is how you still feel.
1145
01:02:01,301 --> 01:02:02,385
It's a good thing you know
me better then, isn't it?
1146
01:02:02,594 --> 01:02:03,386
Yeah, it is.
1147
01:02:04,679 --> 01:02:06,306
You do still have
feelings for her?
1148
01:02:06,514 --> 01:02:08,308
-How silly.
-Yeah, you do.
1149
01:02:08,516 --> 01:02:10,727
This isn't about punishing her
because she deserves it.
1150
01:02:10,936 --> 01:02:12,646
This is about punishing her
so you don't have to let her go.
1151
01:02:12,854 --> 01:02:15,398
No. No, that's not true.
1152
01:02:15,607 --> 01:02:17,734
You've just been validating
your decision to stay with her.
1153
01:02:17,943 --> 01:02:19,027
-Really?
-Yes.
1154
01:02:20,737 --> 01:02:23,073
Okay, so what's my alternative?
Alright, I go in there, end it,
1155
01:02:23,281 --> 01:02:26,076
walk off blissfully to the sunset hand in hand with Tim.
-Yeah.
1156
01:02:26,284 --> 01:02:29,162
Yeah, how's that working out for you
and your ex-fiancé? Are you happier now?
1157
01:02:29,371 --> 01:02:32,040
I feel like myself again. I feel
like I've moved on. I'm not angry.
1158
01:02:32,207 --> 01:02:33,708
-I'm not angry!
-Then what are you?
1159
01:02:33,875 --> 01:02:40,799
Lonely.
I wish I could end it, I do.
1160
01:02:41,007 --> 01:02:42,801
I wish I could just
walk in there, be done with it.
1161
01:02:45,929 --> 01:02:47,013
I can't. I just--
1162
01:02:50,350 --> 01:02:52,852
[sighs] I've been in love
with her for 20 years, Kendra.
1163
01:02:53,061 --> 01:02:55,272
I can't just--
I can't just end it.
1164
01:02:56,606 --> 01:02:58,775
Mark,
you're not in love with her.
1165
01:02:58,984 --> 01:03:01,069
You've been infatuated with her.
1166
01:03:01,278 --> 01:03:03,363
You deserve to be happy.
1167
01:03:03,571 --> 01:03:05,573
You should be with someone
who really understands you
1168
01:03:05,782 --> 01:03:07,826
and appreciates you
and cares about you.
1169
01:03:08,785 --> 01:03:10,370
We both know that's not Connie.
1170
01:03:13,873 --> 01:03:14,708
Oh, come here.
1171
01:03:24,884 --> 01:03:26,553
[thunder]
1172
01:03:30,307 --> 01:03:34,060
[wind howling]
1173
01:03:38,732 --> 01:03:42,152
[music box plays]
1174
01:03:42,319 --> 01:03:43,945
[thunder]
1175
01:03:52,579 --> 01:03:55,165
[dramatic classical music]
1176
01:04:00,086 --> 01:04:00,920
[door knocking]
1177
01:04:01,129 --> 01:04:01,963
[lid slams shut]
1178
01:04:03,006 --> 01:04:03,840
Who is it?
1179
01:04:05,508 --> 01:04:07,218
-I'm coming in.
-Please don't.
1180
01:04:07,427 --> 01:04:08,803
Hello, foxy.
1181
01:04:08,970 --> 01:04:10,555
I think you're
in the wrong room.
1182
01:04:10,764 --> 01:04:13,099
No, no, no, no, we can do it
in any room you like.
1183
01:04:13,308 --> 01:04:14,601
I can't fight it any longer.
1184
01:04:14,809 --> 01:04:17,145
Your persistence
has finally paid off.
1185
01:04:17,312 --> 01:04:19,981
You're going to get
a [smack] spanking.
1186
01:04:21,066 --> 01:04:21,900
All right.
1187
01:04:22,108 --> 01:04:24,652
[dramatic music]
1188
01:04:30,241 --> 01:04:31,159
[thunder]
1189
01:04:37,874 --> 01:04:40,543
My safe-word is, Camembert.
1190
01:04:40,710 --> 01:04:43,546
Well, my safe-word is,
your husband terrifies me.
1191
01:04:43,755 --> 01:04:45,131
[dramatic music]
1192
01:04:52,722 --> 01:04:55,892
Don't mind me, old chap.
I'll be as good as gold.
1193
01:04:59,020 --> 01:05:01,272
Ducky, you better
cover your eyes, mate.
1194
01:05:03,191 --> 01:05:05,693
Don't be such a spoilsport.
You'll love it.
1195
01:05:08,446 --> 01:05:11,449
[Tim in the other room] No, no,
no, no, no. Camembert!
1196
01:05:11,658 --> 01:05:15,578
[woman screaming]
One more time. One more time.
1197
01:05:15,745 --> 01:05:16,830
[Tim] Your husband terrifies me!
1198
01:05:22,127 --> 01:05:23,044
[sighs]
1199
01:05:32,720 --> 01:05:34,764
[crying]
1200
01:05:45,400 --> 01:05:51,489
♪ You know the way my blood
runs 'Cause darlin ' You're the only one
1201
01:05:51,698 --> 01:05:57,912
♪ Can you and I go somewhere?
Go somewhere we can be alone
1202
01:05:58,121 --> 01:06:04,711
♪ Lying like John and Yoko
or fake our deaths and leave
1203
01:06:04,919 --> 01:06:06,921
♪ Am I tripping
Are you with me?
1204
01:06:07,922 --> 01:06:11,676
♪ 'Cause darlin '
You're the only one
1205
01:06:11,885 --> 01:06:14,762
♪ The world is going mad
1206
01:06:14,971 --> 01:06:17,849
♪ You and I can hide away
1207
01:06:18,057 --> 01:06:21,644
♪ I can't stand the TV screen
1208
01:06:21,853 --> 01:06:23,354
♪ Turn it off, pull the plug
1209
01:06:23,563 --> 01:06:25,648
♪ They can try
They won't find us
1210
01:06:25,815 --> 01:06:27,692
♪ Slow down your heartbeat
1211
01:06:28,776 --> 01:06:30,737
♪ Close your eyes
And don't speak
1212
01:06:31,946 --> 01:06:34,407
♪ Lay with my body
1213
01:06:34,616 --> 01:06:38,786
♪ Play dead, play dead with me
1214
01:06:38,995 --> 01:06:44,334
♪ No need to escape.
We can find our own way
1215
01:06:44,542 --> 01:06:47,545
♪ You got me hiding
In cupboards
1216
01:06:47,754 --> 01:06:52,592
♪ Play dead, play dead with me
1217
01:06:52,800 --> 01:06:55,136
♪ We'll stock up some ration
1218
01:06:55,345 --> 01:06:58,681
♪ So we don't have
To leave this room
1219
01:06:58,890 --> 01:07:01,059
♪ I'm dead
Don't care what happens
1220
01:07:02,268 --> 01:07:03,561
♪ As long
As I'm in here with you...
1221
01:07:03,770 --> 01:07:06,022
Morning, sleep well?
1222
01:07:08,149 --> 01:07:10,443
-Ahh.
-[Groans].
1223
01:07:10,652 --> 01:07:12,111
Morning, handsome.
1224
01:07:12,320 --> 01:07:15,615
Timmy? Timmy?
1225
01:07:17,075 --> 01:07:20,745
Timmy? Ahh.
1226
01:07:20,954 --> 01:07:23,915
Anyone seen Beefcake?
1227
01:07:24,082 --> 01:07:26,417
I think I saw
him going for a run.
1228
01:07:28,378 --> 01:07:31,631
Oh, thank you, Kendra. Okay.
1229
01:07:31,839 --> 01:07:33,258
Tim? Timmy?
1230
01:07:35,510 --> 01:07:36,970
[mother] Timmy.
1231
01:07:37,178 --> 01:07:40,139
-[dog barking]
-[mother] Get down, get down.
1232
01:07:40,348 --> 01:07:41,683
She's been bitten by the dog.
1233
01:07:45,645 --> 01:07:47,397
Cons, so how was the road trip?
1234
01:07:47,564 --> 01:07:50,483
Did he get all grabby or did he
keep his mitts to himself?
1235
01:07:50,692 --> 01:07:52,235
Ugh, he's not like that.
1236
01:07:52,443 --> 01:07:54,571
You're confusing him
with yourself.
1237
01:07:54,779 --> 01:07:55,822
[Johnny laughs]
1238
01:07:56,990 --> 01:07:59,325
So, when you speak
to your lawyer next,
1239
01:07:59,534 --> 01:08:01,953
you need to make sure
he gets you some shares too.
1240
01:08:02,161 --> 01:08:05,456
Right, that's where the real payoff's really
going to come from. Where is the idiot?
1241
01:08:05,665 --> 01:08:08,084
Why do you have to call him
that? Look, it's still half of his money.
1242
01:08:08,293 --> 01:08:10,712
There's really no need
to add insult to injury.
1243
01:08:11,796 --> 01:08:15,383
Says the trollop who's literally about
to rip out his heart and dance on it.
1244
01:08:15,592 --> 01:08:18,428
Literally. I'm literally
going to do that, am I?
1245
01:08:18,636 --> 01:08:21,139
I'm literally going
to open his chest cavity,
1246
01:08:21,347 --> 01:08:25,393
rip out his heart and dance
on it? Any particular dance?
1247
01:08:25,602 --> 01:08:27,604
It can be fucking
Gangnam style if you like it.
1248
01:08:27,812 --> 01:08:29,731
Any girl will be
lucky to have Mark.
1249
01:08:29,939 --> 01:08:31,524
[Johnny] Oh,
fucking hell. Jesus.
1250
01:08:31,733 --> 01:08:34,277
You haven't got that...
Stockholm syndrome, have you?
1251
01:08:34,485 --> 01:08:36,279
-[sighs]
-[Johnny Hang on in there.
1252
01:08:37,280 --> 01:08:40,742
I need you
to sit tight for me, okay?
1253
01:08:40,908 --> 01:08:42,076
We're going to have
so much fucking money.
1254
01:08:42,285 --> 01:08:43,828
So much fucking money.
1255
01:08:44,037 --> 01:08:45,622
Think of all the things
we can do with each other.
1256
01:08:45,830 --> 01:08:48,166
Think of all those lovely,
lovely anal beads I can get you.
1257
01:08:55,173 --> 01:08:58,885
Hey, Siri, call
Fatface McFlippy Nips.
1258
01:08:59,093 --> 01:09:00,845
[Siri]
Calling Fatface McFlippy Nips.
1259
01:09:01,054 --> 01:09:02,221
[phone ringing]
1260
01:09:02,430 --> 01:09:05,516
-Oh, shit it's him.
-Who?
1261
01:09:05,725 --> 01:09:08,353
[gagging noises] Him, him!
1262
01:09:08,561 --> 01:09:10,938
The bloke we're talking about.
Fucking Mark.
1263
01:09:11,147 --> 01:09:12,315
Answer it, moron.
1264
01:09:16,486 --> 01:09:18,613
-Hello.
-Johnny, how are you?
1265
01:09:18,821 --> 01:09:20,907
Good, good, good
good, good. What about you?
1266
01:09:21,115 --> 01:09:23,117
Good, just wondering
what you're up to tonight.
1267
01:09:23,326 --> 01:09:25,703
Not a great deal, mate.
No plans as yet.
1268
01:09:25,870 --> 01:09:27,497
Perfect,
why don't you come over here.
1269
01:09:27,664 --> 01:09:28,581
Hmm?
1270
01:09:28,790 --> 01:09:30,166
Bye. Twat.
1271
01:09:37,632 --> 01:09:39,550
I was going out for a bit.
1272
01:09:39,759 --> 01:09:41,344
Okay.
1273
01:09:41,552 --> 01:09:43,763
-Just to the shops.
-Didn't ask.
1274
01:09:45,640 --> 01:09:46,516
Can I get you anything?
1275
01:09:46,724 --> 01:09:48,601
No. I'm fine, thank you.
1276
01:09:51,854 --> 01:09:55,400
Hey, so I just wanted
to apologize for my family.
1277
01:09:59,821 --> 01:10:03,741
-Don't be silly, you've got nothing to apologize for.
-Yeah, no, I do. [chuckle]
1278
01:10:03,950 --> 01:10:07,537
It's like being around a bunch of
wild animals on heat at that place.
1279
01:10:07,745 --> 01:10:09,706
We all have our
burdens, don't we?
1280
01:10:09,914 --> 01:10:12,375
You have your family
and I have Tim.
1281
01:10:14,877 --> 01:10:16,129
I wish I could be close to them,
1282
01:10:16,337 --> 01:10:20,675
but, my loss, I guess.
See you later.
1283
01:10:23,302 --> 01:10:24,554
See you later.
1284
01:10:26,931 --> 01:10:28,891
[Mark] Thanks for coming,
mate. It's really nice to see you.
1285
01:10:29,100 --> 01:10:30,518
-[Johnny] Oh, thanks for inviting me over.
-[door slams]
1286
01:10:30,727 --> 01:10:33,104
Oh, here she is.
Look who's here.
1287
01:10:33,312 --> 01:10:34,731
Ahh, Connie.
1288
01:10:34,939 --> 01:10:36,065
Hey, Johnny.
1289
01:10:36,274 --> 01:10:38,359
-We love you too.
-Hi.
1290
01:10:38,568 --> 01:10:40,319
Uh, sweetheart
we're out of wine,
1291
01:10:40,528 --> 01:10:42,321
so I'm going to nip
to the shop, grab a bottle.
1292
01:10:42,530 --> 01:10:43,990
Uh, you'll be all right
for 10 minutes, will you?
1293
01:10:44,198 --> 01:10:45,283
Yeah, no problem, chief.
1294
01:10:45,491 --> 01:10:46,242
Be back in a bit.
1295
01:10:53,541 --> 01:10:54,542
[music]
1296
01:10:54,751 --> 01:10:55,960
What are you doing?
1297
01:10:56,169 --> 01:10:57,628
He's going to be back
in a few minutes.
1298
01:10:57,837 --> 01:10:59,464
Taking my shoes off.
A few minutes is all I need.
1299
01:10:59,672 --> 01:11:00,798
No. No. Stop it. No. No.
1300
01:11:00,965 --> 01:11:03,134
Connie, come on.
It'll be exciting.
1301
01:11:03,342 --> 01:11:04,302
Stop it. Stop it.
1302
01:11:04,510 --> 01:11:05,511
Come on.
1303
01:11:05,720 --> 01:11:07,555
Stop it, now. Stop it. Stop it.
1304
01:11:18,775 --> 01:11:20,276
They think I'm so stupid.
1305
01:11:20,485 --> 01:11:22,236
Oh, he's got
his trousers off now.
1306
01:11:22,445 --> 01:11:24,614
Come on. Already?
1307
01:11:24,822 --> 01:11:27,408
[phone rings]
1308
01:11:27,617 --> 01:11:30,119
-Hello.
-[Mark] Hello. Hi, yeah, no uh,
1309
01:11:30,328 --> 01:11:31,621
I couldn't find
the bottle of wine I wanted,
1310
01:11:31,829 --> 01:11:32,914
so I'm going to pop down
to the supermarket.
1311
01:11:33,122 --> 01:11:35,708
I'll be about 20 minutes.
1312
01:11:36,751 --> 01:11:38,377
Yes. I'll see you in a bit.
1313
01:11:38,586 --> 01:11:40,338
Love you.
1314
01:11:40,546 --> 01:11:42,173
I don't think you're gonna find
that closure tonight, mate.
1315
01:11:42,381 --> 01:11:43,841
-[Connie] Stop it.
-[Johnny] How long we've got?
1316
01:11:44,050 --> 01:11:44,801
[Connie]
For what?
1317
01:11:45,009 --> 01:11:47,094
For this. Come on.
1318
01:11:47,303 --> 01:11:51,390
-20 minutes, and no. Shut up. No.
-Yes.
1319
01:11:51,599 --> 01:11:53,351
-No!
-Yes!
1320
01:11:53,559 --> 01:11:56,646
I don't understand, why won't my
fiancé have sex with that man?
1321
01:11:56,854 --> 01:11:58,898
-Some people, eh?
-Yeah.
1322
01:11:59,106 --> 01:12:01,025
Don't be in such a twist.
Nothing.
1323
01:12:01,234 --> 01:12:04,654
I just have zero interest in
having sex with a fucktard like you.
1324
01:12:06,155 --> 01:12:06,989
[door slams]
1325
01:12:09,408 --> 01:12:11,160
Put your fucking clothes back on
now. [door slams]
1326
01:12:11,369 --> 01:12:14,205
Jesus Christ, you're being such
a fucking bore, Connie.
1327
01:12:14,372 --> 01:12:15,665
He's so annoying.
1328
01:12:19,544 --> 01:12:22,964
Here you go. Good luck.
1329
01:12:23,172 --> 01:12:24,841
Thanks. Enjoy the show.
1330
01:12:44,610 --> 01:12:47,238
-Fuck me, what happened in here?
-Hello mate.
1331
01:12:47,446 --> 01:12:50,074
-Is it warm in here?
-It is a little bit toasty, isn't it?
1332
01:12:50,283 --> 01:12:52,910
Hey, I didn't know you were
going to be back so soon.
1333
01:12:53,119 --> 01:12:55,204
Yeah, well they
didn't have the wine I wanted,
1334
01:12:55,413 --> 01:12:57,290
but then I figured you're just going
to put water in yours anyway, so--
1335
01:12:57,498 --> 01:12:58,916
[laughs]
1336
01:12:59,125 --> 01:13:00,751
-Uh, Johnny.
-Yes.
1337
01:13:00,960 --> 01:13:03,254
-You like red?
-I bloody love it. Red.
1338
01:13:03,462 --> 01:13:05,798
Good. Man after my own heart.
Just say when.
1339
01:13:06,007 --> 01:13:06,757
Of course.
1340
01:13:07,675 --> 01:13:10,428
Oh, ah, shit!
1341
01:13:10,636 --> 01:13:12,179
Uh, Johnny, I'm so sorry.
1342
01:13:12,388 --> 01:13:13,931
And so careless of me.
1343
01:13:14,140 --> 01:13:15,433
-That's fine.
-It's very clearly,
1344
01:13:15,641 --> 01:13:17,393
going to leave
a big stain on your shirt.
1345
01:13:17,602 --> 01:13:19,520
-I sort of prefer it that way, anyway.
-If you don't mind,
1346
01:13:19,729 --> 01:13:21,480
-I'm just going to get this tablecloth cleaned up...
-No, no, no, no!
1347
01:13:21,689 --> 01:13:23,065
-No, no, good one.
-No, no,
1348
01:13:23,274 --> 01:13:24,859
-this is my favorite table cloth.
-No, no, no, no.
1349
01:13:25,067 --> 01:13:26,319
Why don't you just let me
wash my own tablecloth?
1350
01:13:26,527 --> 01:13:28,362
No, I think it's
part of the design.
1351
01:13:28,571 --> 01:13:29,697
-My mother gave me this.
-Did she?
1352
01:13:29,906 --> 01:13:31,073
-Yeah.
-Yeah.
1353
01:13:31,240 --> 01:13:32,116
Johnny, give me,
give me it. Johnny.
1354
01:13:32,325 --> 01:13:33,868
No.
1355
01:13:34,076 --> 01:13:36,120
Why are you so attached
to this tablecloth, Johnny?
1356
01:13:36,329 --> 01:13:37,580
No.
1357
01:13:37,788 --> 01:13:40,082
Just give me
the tablecloth, Johnny.
1358
01:13:40,291 --> 01:13:41,542
Just leave the fucking
tablecloth alone, you prick.
1359
01:13:41,751 --> 01:13:44,128
Give me the tablecloth.
1360
01:13:54,180 --> 01:13:57,725
-Huh.
-The thing is, mate.
1361
01:13:57,892 --> 01:13:59,518
Yes, the thing.
1362
01:13:59,727 --> 01:14:03,898
Well, I thought I'd just,
you know, have a little one.
1363
01:14:05,191 --> 01:14:09,946
Right. That's your good idea.
1364
01:14:14,200 --> 01:14:15,368
Should we do this another night?
1365
01:14:15,576 --> 01:14:17,370
Great idea.
Fantastic.
1366
01:14:19,997 --> 01:14:20,790
You mind if I--
1367
01:14:20,998 --> 01:14:21,916
Yeah, help yourself.
1368
01:14:23,292 --> 01:14:24,377
Love mint.
1369
01:14:30,091 --> 01:14:31,175
Johnny, you should--
1370
01:14:32,301 --> 01:14:33,844
Oh, I need those.
1371
01:14:35,888 --> 01:14:37,181
[Johnny blows kiss]
1372
01:14:40,935 --> 01:14:41,769
[door closes]
1373
01:14:48,067 --> 01:14:49,068
Got you something.
1374
01:14:49,276 --> 01:14:50,444
What's this?
1375
01:14:52,321 --> 01:14:53,155
Prenup.
1376
01:14:56,534 --> 01:14:57,743
[door opens]
1377
01:14:59,328 --> 01:15:00,871
-[sighs]
-[door closes]
1378
01:15:02,957 --> 01:15:03,874
[sighs]
1379
01:15:21,892 --> 01:15:23,644
He's a sneaky bastard.
1380
01:15:23,853 --> 01:15:25,813
Why is he doing this to me?
1381
01:15:26,022 --> 01:15:29,734
Because deep down, sugar tits
he knows you're a conniving cow.
1382
01:15:29,942 --> 01:15:33,571
Oh, and thank you for leaving
me high and dry last night.
1383
01:15:33,779 --> 01:15:35,364
So, that's it then?
1384
01:15:35,573 --> 01:15:38,617
No. No, no, no,
no, no. Not at all.
1385
01:15:38,826 --> 01:15:41,912
You see this states that everything
he gets before the wedding
1386
01:15:42,121 --> 01:15:43,414
remains his.
1387
01:15:43,622 --> 01:15:45,833
Uh, well yeah, it's a prenup.
Oaf!
1388
01:15:46,042 --> 01:15:47,334
Shh, shh, shh, shh
1389
01:15:47,543 --> 01:15:52,548
Just-- Shh. What I mean is
1390
01:15:52,757 --> 01:15:54,884
he's thinking that the money
is coming in before the wedding.
1391
01:15:55,885 --> 01:15:58,471
-And?
-And...
1392
01:15:58,679 --> 01:16:00,848
I might just have to take
another little trip down to accounts
1393
01:16:01,057 --> 01:16:03,184
to delay the contract
by a few days
1394
01:16:03,392 --> 01:16:05,728
until after the wedding.
1395
01:16:08,522 --> 01:16:11,192
[Johnny] Thank you, Johnny.
Oh, Johnny, you're so sexy.
1396
01:16:11,358 --> 01:16:13,527
Ooo, please, please take me now.
1397
01:16:13,736 --> 01:16:15,404
Johnny, Johnny
Johnny, Johnny, Johnny.
1398
01:16:15,613 --> 01:16:19,742
Something. Something.
Ugh, fuck off.
1399
01:16:21,744 --> 01:16:24,789
[chilled acoustic music]
1400
01:16:29,043 --> 01:16:31,295
Well,
I'm going to go out on a limb
1401
01:16:31,504 --> 01:16:33,756
and declare this
the worst stag night ever.
1402
01:16:35,466 --> 01:16:36,717
Yep.
1403
01:16:36,926 --> 01:16:38,803
-Congratulations, mate.
-Thank you!
1404
01:16:41,222 --> 01:16:43,682
Now, is it just me
or are we way past the point
1405
01:16:43,891 --> 01:16:45,351
where we're
supposed to stop doing this?
1406
01:16:45,559 --> 01:16:47,520
Little bit longer, pal,
it's almost over.
1407
01:16:50,022 --> 01:16:52,316
♪ You're the only one
1408
01:16:52,525 --> 01:16:54,944
♪ Who brings light
Just like the sun...
1409
01:16:56,654 --> 01:16:58,614
[phone rings]
1410
01:17:02,076 --> 01:17:06,205
-Hello.
-Hello, this is Peter calling for Three Bells Catering.
1411
01:17:06,372 --> 01:17:09,291
Just ringing about tomorrow's
wedding, you must be excited.
1412
01:17:09,500 --> 01:17:12,044
Anyway, I wanted to double
check guest numbers, please.
1413
01:17:12,253 --> 01:17:14,630
I think he had
an updated list somewhere.
1414
01:17:17,675 --> 01:17:21,011
Uh, yup, that's
four extra confirmed.
1415
01:17:21,220 --> 01:17:22,721
Great. One more
thing before you go.
1416
01:17:22,930 --> 01:17:23,806
[music]
1417
01:17:24,014 --> 01:17:26,016
♪ My darling you and I
1418
01:17:26,225 --> 01:17:28,561
♪ Take over the world
1419
01:17:28,769 --> 01:17:32,439
♪ One step at a time,
Just you and I
1420
01:17:34,358 --> 01:17:39,071
♪ 'Cause, my darling you and I
Take over the world
1421
01:17:39,989 --> 01:17:43,450
♪ One step at a time,
Just you and I
1422
01:17:45,035 --> 01:17:47,329
♪ 'Cause you're the only one
1423
01:17:48,289 --> 01:17:50,749
♪ Who brings light
Just like the sun
1424
01:17:50,958 --> 01:17:54,920
♪ One step at a time
Just you and I
1425
01:17:56,380 --> 01:18:00,426
♪ One step at a time
Just you and I
1426
01:18:01,427 --> 01:18:06,056
♪ Yeah, one step at a time
just you and I
1427
01:18:13,772 --> 01:18:16,317
Hiya, which club
did you come from?
1428
01:18:16,483 --> 01:18:18,402
-Who the hell are you?
-Having a last night of freedom party.
1429
01:18:18,611 --> 01:18:19,987
You don't mind, do you?
1430
01:18:20,196 --> 01:18:22,615
Well, we are getting married
in the morning.
1431
01:18:22,823 --> 01:18:24,700
Yeah,
but we got strippers tonight.
1432
01:18:24,909 --> 01:18:27,453
Hence, last night of freedom.
1433
01:18:28,829 --> 01:18:31,207
Well, have fun. I'm staying
at my friend's tonight.
1434
01:18:31,415 --> 01:18:33,751
You sure? We got kebabs,
we got enough for everyone.
1435
01:18:35,961 --> 01:18:39,089
I signed the prenup. Happy?
1436
01:18:41,550 --> 01:18:43,219
Why wouldn't I be? I'm getting
married in the morning.
1437
01:18:45,137 --> 01:18:46,013
Bye, Connie.
1438
01:18:48,140 --> 01:18:49,725
See you tomorrow.
1439
01:18:49,892 --> 01:18:51,644
[kiss]
1440
01:18:51,852 --> 01:18:54,480
[song playing]
1441
01:19:02,738 --> 01:19:04,782
Well, mate,
let's get the party started.
1442
01:19:08,702 --> 01:19:10,996
Gonna get my head down,
get an early night.
1443
01:19:11,205 --> 01:19:13,165
What? But strippers.
1444
01:19:14,124 --> 01:19:15,000
Have fun.
1445
01:19:16,502 --> 01:19:19,004
The more for me, mate.
Come on, girls.
1446
01:19:19,213 --> 01:19:20,839
You have this.
Where are the kebabs at?
1447
01:19:21,048 --> 01:19:22,841
[song playing]
1448
01:19:47,783 --> 01:19:50,828
[Young Mark] Everyday you're on
my mind, I love the way you laugh.
1449
01:19:51,036 --> 01:19:52,871
I promise to always
treat you kind,
1450
01:19:53,080 --> 01:19:54,581
like you're my better half.
1451
01:19:54,790 --> 01:19:56,458
I'll keep you close to my heart
1452
01:19:56,625 --> 01:19:59,128
but you will always be
and hope we're never apart.
1453
01:19:59,336 --> 01:20:00,921
Forever you and me.
1454
01:20:07,761 --> 01:20:08,762
[laughter]
1455
01:20:08,971 --> 01:20:10,097
Stop it.
1456
01:20:44,131 --> 01:20:46,717
I'm in heaven.
1457
01:20:46,925 --> 01:20:51,180
Mate, mate,
take a picture. Please.
1458
01:21:40,979 --> 01:21:41,730
Yes.
1459
01:21:41,939 --> 01:21:44,358
[song playing]
1460
01:21:52,074 --> 01:21:55,452
[church bells chiming]
1461
01:22:08,465 --> 01:22:09,842
Psst, psst!
1462
01:22:11,552 --> 01:22:13,971
Is there a bucket nearby? I
think-- I think I need to vomit.
1463
01:22:14,179 --> 01:22:15,806
Hangover that bad, is it?
1464
01:22:16,014 --> 01:22:20,227
It's not good, but Baroness von
Strap-on is not helping.
1465
01:22:21,895 --> 01:22:24,523
-Priest.
-Can't we do this sitting down?
1466
01:22:24,731 --> 01:22:26,233
What you sitting there for,
you big lump of shite?
1467
01:22:26,442 --> 01:22:29,278
-Excuse me, sorry. Joe?
-[Joe] Hi.
1468
01:22:29,486 --> 01:22:31,447
-Is it done?
-[Joe] I've got some bad news, I'm afraid.
1469
01:22:31,655 --> 01:22:33,282
There's a delay
with the contract.
1470
01:22:33,490 --> 01:22:35,659
Some sap forgot to put
the correct witness info on.
1471
01:22:35,868 --> 01:22:38,036
They've assured me it'll re-signed
first thing Monday morning.
1472
01:22:38,245 --> 01:22:40,038
Money all cleared into
your account Tuesday.
1473
01:22:40,247 --> 01:22:42,958
-Okay.
-Mark, just remember the prenup's not going to cover
1474
01:22:43,167 --> 01:22:45,961
-any contract signed after you get married.
-Thanks.
1475
01:22:46,170 --> 01:22:51,216
What's he playing at? Hey,
gobshite. Get your ass down and kneel.
1476
01:22:51,425 --> 01:22:52,176
Sorry.
1477
01:22:56,472 --> 01:22:57,806
Any last minute notes?
1478
01:22:58,015 --> 01:23:00,434
[wedding march playing]
1479
01:23:03,770 --> 01:23:05,147
Well, all stand up.
1480
01:23:05,355 --> 01:23:08,025
[wedding march playing]
1481
01:23:37,429 --> 01:23:38,263
Patrick.
1482
01:23:40,307 --> 01:23:41,433
Oh, there you are.
1483
01:23:46,063 --> 01:23:47,356
You can sit down now.
1484
01:23:50,526 --> 01:23:53,070
Dearly Beloved,
we are gathered here today
1485
01:23:53,278 --> 01:23:56,365
to witness the coming
together of Connie and Mark
1486
01:23:56,573 --> 01:24:00,661
and to celebrate the communion
they are about to make.
1487
01:24:00,869 --> 01:24:05,374
Is there anyone here present
who knows any reason
1488
01:24:05,582 --> 01:24:09,086
why Connie and Mark
cannot be joined in marriage?
1489
01:24:09,294 --> 01:24:12,798
Speak now
or forever shut your face.
1490
01:24:15,634 --> 01:24:16,468
Yes?
1491
01:24:21,265 --> 01:24:22,891
[coughs]
1492
01:24:24,309 --> 01:24:25,727
Then we can carry on then,
can we?
1493
01:24:25,936 --> 01:24:27,521
-Please do.
-Thank you.
1494
01:24:27,729 --> 01:24:28,814
Have you got the ring?
1495
01:24:31,275 --> 01:24:32,109
Thank you.
1496
01:24:37,281 --> 01:24:40,242
Do you, Mark Walwyn, 'wyn,
1497
01:24:41,243 --> 01:24:46,456
promise to take Connie Nicholson
to be a lawful wedded wife,
1498
01:24:47,457 --> 01:24:52,254
in sickness and in health, for
richer or poorer, better or worse?
1499
01:25:01,305 --> 01:25:02,431
I do.
1500
01:25:05,100 --> 01:25:05,934
What?
1501
01:25:09,521 --> 01:25:15,444
[priest] And do you, Connie
Nicholson promise to take Mark Walwyn
1502
01:25:15,652 --> 01:25:20,240
to be a lawful wedded husband,
in sickness and in health
1503
01:25:20,449 --> 01:25:23,994
for richer or poorer,
better or worse?
1504
01:25:30,375 --> 01:25:31,168
No.
1505
01:25:32,419 --> 01:25:36,548
Good, then you may now
kiss the-- What?
1506
01:25:36,757 --> 01:25:38,467
I said no.
1507
01:25:38,634 --> 01:25:40,177
What are doing?
1508
01:25:40,385 --> 01:25:42,638
You deserve
so much better than me.
1509
01:25:44,306 --> 01:25:45,515
I know about the money.
1510
01:25:45,724 --> 01:25:47,351
I know, I don't care.
1511
01:25:49,102 --> 01:25:50,270
I do love you though.
1512
01:25:50,479 --> 01:25:51,521
No, you don't.
1513
01:25:53,440 --> 01:25:54,733
Thanks for saying it though.
1514
01:25:56,109 --> 01:25:57,277
Sorry about your hair.
1515
01:25:58,487 --> 01:25:59,738
I'm sorry about it all.
1516
01:26:02,115 --> 01:26:03,116
Why didn't you end it?
1517
01:26:04,660 --> 01:26:06,703
Couldn't.
1518
01:26:06,870 --> 01:26:07,746
I love you.
1519
01:26:11,291 --> 01:26:13,251
You're supposed to say "yes".
1520
01:26:13,460 --> 01:26:16,630
Baby, baby, he's gonna
get away with our money.
1521
01:26:16,838 --> 01:26:18,382
It's not our money,
it's his money.
1522
01:26:18,548 --> 01:26:20,300
-Are you insane?
-Sit down.
1523
01:26:20,509 --> 01:26:23,595
-Um, what money?
-Just made 20 million.
1524
01:26:23,804 --> 01:26:25,347
-[crowd gasps]
-[Johnny] Fucking hell.
1525
01:26:27,015 --> 01:26:29,226
God, can I have
a million pounds then?
1526
01:26:29,434 --> 01:26:30,936
You can have half.
1527
01:26:31,144 --> 01:26:33,397
Buddy, um, can I have
half a million too, please?
1528
01:26:33,563 --> 01:26:36,441
Johnny, will you shut up.
Will you just fuck off.
1529
01:26:36,650 --> 01:26:39,861
Take you fucking weasel dick and
your little fucking hooker and get out.
1530
01:26:40,070 --> 01:26:43,281
It's not really little, and
she's not a hooker, that's her.
1531
01:26:43,490 --> 01:26:44,366
I'm going to make a move.
1532
01:26:45,951 --> 01:26:48,370
Alright, come on, come on.
I just need to get out of here.
1533
01:26:48,578 --> 01:26:49,871
Let's go, let's go, let's go.
1534
01:26:50,080 --> 01:26:51,331
Am I still getting my money?
1535
01:26:51,540 --> 01:26:53,333
No, not a fucking bean.
1536
01:26:54,251 --> 01:26:56,878
She's a-- She's an escort.
She's an escort!
1537
01:26:57,879 --> 01:26:58,797
There's a difference.
1538
01:27:00,424 --> 01:27:01,299
[Johnny] Hope you all die!
1539
01:27:05,095 --> 01:27:06,555
Sorry, everyone.
1540
01:27:09,224 --> 01:27:10,100
Sorry.
1541
01:27:13,687 --> 01:27:14,438
Sorry.
1542
01:27:14,646 --> 01:27:15,397
That's all right.
1543
01:27:15,605 --> 01:27:17,315
I get paid either way.
1544
01:27:17,524 --> 01:27:21,945
I don't judge, that's God's job,
and he don't exist, by the way.
1545
01:27:24,531 --> 01:27:27,117
[wedding march playing]
1546
01:27:32,038 --> 01:27:33,749
It's okay.
1547
01:27:33,957 --> 01:27:35,709
Please don't be
too touchy, Kendra.
1548
01:27:35,917 --> 01:27:38,044
He seems to be very fond of you.
1549
01:27:39,963 --> 01:27:42,215
-Do you think--
-You can fuck off too.
1550
01:27:42,424 --> 01:27:44,134
Okay. Okay.
1551
01:27:55,937 --> 01:27:57,814
Cracking wedding, fella.
1552
01:27:58,023 --> 01:27:59,316
Yeah. We should do it
again some time.
1553
01:27:59,524 --> 01:28:00,317
Oh yeah, definitely.
1554
01:28:01,485 --> 01:28:03,487
So, when do I get
my half million then?
1555
01:28:05,113 --> 01:28:06,740
How's Tuesday?
1556
01:28:06,948 --> 01:28:07,783
It's alright, I suppose.
1557
01:28:07,991 --> 01:28:09,284
Thanks for being so patient.
1558
01:28:09,493 --> 01:28:12,078
By the way, what is
this invention of yours?
1559
01:28:12,287 --> 01:28:13,705
Tim, we've lived together
for four years
1560
01:28:13,914 --> 01:28:14,748
you don't know
what I do for a living.
1561
01:28:14,956 --> 01:28:16,583
Honestly, no.
1562
01:28:16,792 --> 01:28:18,293
It's an app for airline pilo--
1563
01:28:18,502 --> 01:28:19,461
Yeah, no I'm not interested.
1564
01:28:19,669 --> 01:28:20,629
Hello, foxy.
1565
01:28:20,837 --> 01:28:22,214
Oh, god.
1566
01:28:22,422 --> 01:28:24,174
Mark, I am a little bit
disappointed in you,
1567
01:28:24,382 --> 01:28:29,387
but if you'd like to date Alexa,
we would definitely consider it.
1568
01:28:32,307 --> 01:28:33,141
Chief.
1569
01:28:34,267 --> 01:28:36,770
Kendra, I can't
take back what I did
1570
01:28:36,978 --> 01:28:40,023
and it probably doesn't
mean a whole lot more to you
1571
01:28:40,232 --> 01:28:43,401
to tell you there
hasn't been a single day
1572
01:28:43,610 --> 01:28:45,695
where I haven't
been filled with regret.
1573
01:28:45,904 --> 01:28:48,406
I'm truly so,
so sorry for hurting you.
1574
01:28:48,615 --> 01:28:50,742
Here, keep yourself dry.
Bye, bye.
1575
01:28:50,951 --> 01:28:52,202
What's wrong with you?
1576
01:28:52,410 --> 01:28:54,496
Nothing just horny.
1577
01:28:55,872 --> 01:28:58,792
What? Wonder where he's gone.
1578
01:28:59,000 --> 01:29:02,003
You're disgusting.
I'm so embarrassed.
1579
01:29:03,129 --> 01:29:05,966
Oh, Mark,
your wedding present's arrived.
1580
01:29:08,593 --> 01:29:12,264
-Tim, no!
-Yes.
1581
01:29:12,472 --> 01:29:16,393
-How did you afford this?
-I just popped it on the old credit card.
1582
01:29:17,769 --> 01:29:19,354
How long have you
hired it for, Tim?
1583
01:29:19,563 --> 01:29:21,523
-Ach, just three months.
-Just three months, eh?
1584
01:29:22,816 --> 01:29:24,192
Coming out of your half.
1585
01:29:24,401 --> 01:29:28,071
Yes, sure.
Look after Ducky for me. Ducky!
1586
01:29:31,867 --> 01:29:33,660
[car engine revving]
1587
01:29:36,913 --> 01:29:41,251
Well, at least Tim isn't going to
sleep with both of your parents again.
1588
01:29:41,459 --> 01:29:43,753
If I didn't know any better
I'd say,
1589
01:29:43,962 --> 01:29:44,838
you're kind of enjoying this.
1590
01:29:45,046 --> 01:29:46,715
[giggles] Maybe. A little.
1591
01:29:48,884 --> 01:29:52,262
[Mark] if I'm being honest,
all my life I've come across
1592
01:29:52,470 --> 01:29:55,932
like a lobotomized hamster when
it comes to understanding women.
1593
01:29:56,141 --> 01:29:58,101
And at the age of 30,
having just blossomed
1594
01:29:58,310 --> 01:30:00,020
into a multi-millionaire
1595
01:30:00,228 --> 01:30:02,898
I know even less.
1596
01:30:03,106 --> 01:30:04,608
So, If you think I'm giving up
1597
01:30:04,816 --> 01:30:07,360
on that cold-hearted,
gold-digging trollop
1598
01:30:07,569 --> 01:30:12,032
just as she's starting
to like me, think again.
1599
01:30:12,198 --> 01:30:14,993
[music playing]
1600
01:31:27,607 --> 01:31:29,109
[loud sobbing]
1601
01:31:30,193 --> 01:31:32,904
There, there. Cry your tiny
little eyes out.
1602
01:31:33,113 --> 01:31:34,739
That'll make it all better.
Yeah.
1603
01:31:34,948 --> 01:31:36,658
[blows nose and chokes]
1604
01:31:36,866 --> 01:31:38,576
How could she do this to me?
1605
01:31:38,785 --> 01:31:40,912
It's like I already told you.
1606
01:31:41,121 --> 01:31:46,334
She is a lying, cheating shit.
1607
01:31:46,543 --> 01:31:48,211
[coughs and crying]
1608
01:31:49,713 --> 01:31:51,339
The best thing
you can do, right?
1609
01:31:51,548 --> 01:31:53,800
Is to chuck her out and let
me and Ducky move back in.
1610
01:31:53,967 --> 01:31:56,928
No, I don't want to. [crying]
1611
01:31:58,471 --> 01:32:00,015
[Tim laughs]
1612
01:32:01,224 --> 01:32:05,937
Well, what are you going to do
about her then? Kill her? No.
1613
01:32:06,146 --> 01:32:08,481
[music]